Page 1 of Awestruck at Dusk
Nightmares
March 19, 2010
I WOKE TO THE SOUNDof my screams in a bed I didn’t recognize, in a place I didn’t recognize. The lights were out, and all I could see was the thin line of light coming in from the door. No windows, only four walls around me. My hand was still in a cast up to my mid-forearm.
Joel ran inside the dark room I was in with wide, panic-filled eyes, leaving the door open. I held my hand up, looking for shelter, and shut my eyes for a second, allowing them to adjust to the sudden luminescence that dazzled me.
I sat up and felt Joel’s weight on the bed as he sat beside me.
I’m still in the hospital.
It took me a few seconds to realize I was in a small guest room inside William’s hospital room. But the last thing I remember was sleeping beside him in his bed, so I was clueless how I woke up here instead.
William shouted from afar, asking Joel if I was okay. Joel placed his arms around me and replied in Swedish with a calm voice that seemed to set William at ease for the moment.
“You okay?” Joel asked. I was still panting with terror.
It was the first time I woke up screaming, but the warmth building up in my gut told me it wasn’t going to be the last.
“Yeah, it was just a bad dream,” I replied, holding on tightly to him, letting out a long breath, fully charged with relief.
William was fine.
He was out there recovering in his bed. In my dream, he … it was best not to dwell on the might have beens. But Caleb was still gone. The void inside my chest reminded me of that fact.
Shit.
Gently, I released myself from Joel’s embrace and took my hands to my face; the pain alone bent me over. The tears burned my throat as I swallowed them back. I couldn’t allow myself to break. Not now.
“How did I get here?” I asked Joel in barely a whisper. He stared at me as if I were a ticking bomb running on its last seconds before exploding.
“I carried you here. It seemed like you needed to rest, and well, Nathan called asking for you,” Joel whispered back. “He’s outside in the waiting room and wanting to see you. I thought it would be best if—”
Nathan’s arrived…
“Thanks,” I replied almost immediately. Joel didn’t need to finish that sentence. The thought of Nathan walking into William’s room and seeing me sleeping in his bed made me want to bump my head against the wall. Now that I was sobered up from that moment, I couldn’t help but think how stupid I was to even do that in the first place. Thank God I woke up here instead. “I fell asleep I—that’s not what—”
“Hey, it’s okay.” Joel nodded once. Fast and sharp. He then offered me a tight-lipped smile. “It’s been a rough twelve hours for you. For everyone. I hope you’re feeling better.”
“I’m—yeah. Thanks.” I didn’t know if I was better. I simply existed. But seeing Nathan was something I needed so badly. Something I knew would help make everything feel better. “What time is it?”
“It’s um”—he looked at his watch—“twelve-o-five.”
“What!” That meant Nathan had been waiting a while for me to wake up. I needed to see him. Now.
“Guille!” William called. God, he shouldn’t have been exerting himself like that. He needed peace and quiet. I got up reactively and almost tumbled down on the floor.
“Easy.” Joel caught me before I could fall. “You might still be under the effect of the medication you took earlier.”
“Thanks, I—I’m fine now. I just got up too fast.” Not really. I was so dizzy that if I didn’t have things to do and people to talk to, I would’ve gladly collapsed on that bed again.
At a slower pace, I walked out of the guest room, which consisted of a small bed and a nightstand, and stood next to William’s bed.
“Hi.” I forced myself to smile.
“Hey.” William’s face looked tense, his jaw popped, and no, that wasn’t what I wanted to see. “What happened in there? Are you okay?”
I didn’t want him to worry about me when I was the one worried sick abouthim. He still needed to recover from surgery, and I wasn’t planning on relaxing until he checked out of the hospital.
