Page 80 of Awestruck at Dusk
“I think you and Nathan make a great couple. You know I like him, and I know he loves you and that you love him. What I’m saying is just try to be honest with him about where you stand with everything. About your plans after graduation, about where you stand with marriage, and all that scary shit, okay?”
Nolan was right.
I’d never actually talked to Nathan aboutanyof that. Like having an actual conversation about my plans or being honest regarding how I felt about marriage. And it’s not that I did not see myself marrying him. I did. Actually, I thought it was like a given. Something that was inevitably going to happen at some point down the road. But I had to agree with Nolan in that maybe Nathan and I had a very different timeline.
“You’re right.” I offered him a small smile. “Ugh, but I still wish Nathan could be here and see the exhibit. I’m worried he won’t make it for Friday.”
“It’s your mom’s day, right?” he asked, tilting his head just a bit. I nodded. “You know Emily and I can—”
“I know. Thank you. Nathan already promised to be here, so I don’t think it will be necessary. I’m just stressed out, you know. I always do around this time of year.”
Nolan parted his mouth to speak, but he stopped himself when we both heard a voice from afar drawing in, “Kiddo!”
8:55 p.m. Right on schedule.
Showing Up Part Two
May 14, 2010
NATHAN ARRIVED INNew York at 8:00 a.m., and I already felt like I could breathe easier. I only had to go to school to hand in a final project in the morning, and I was done with the semester. But I’d enrolled in two Summer Intensive Studies programs. One started on May 31st and the other on July 5th. They both lasted three weeks, like the one I took last summer.
As much as I begged Nolan to sign up with me, he only agreed to enroll in one of the two programs. He would take a break in June and join me in July. Keeping myself busy was important, especially with Nathan being so absorbed with work all the time.
That constantneedof wanting to keep myself occupied to avoid overthinking scared me. I wondered if that’s why my father did it, and perhaps there was a dormant gene inside me that had a tendency toward work addiction. I’d never want to fall into that kind of obsession.
Nolan and I handed in our last final project of the semester and were heading out.
“We’re done, Bee!” Nolan said, walking beside me, pulling me in for a side hug.
“I know. I’ll definitely enjoy these few weeks off.”
“Lucky you,” he said, breaking away from the hug. “I’ll be taking an extra shift at the restaurant until the Summer Intensive Program starts in July. I need to make a few extra bucks to pay for the course since a little friend kept harassing me with the idea.”
Shit. I never considered that paying for the course would require an extra effort from Nolan and that perhaps I’d pushed too much.
“I’m sorry,” I said with a silly grimace. “I never meant to be too pushy about it, but you know you’re my security blanket at school.” I laughed. I loved taking my classes with Nolan.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he said, flicking my ponytail. “Since you’re one of the few female friends I’m allowed to have, there’s nothing much I can do but keep you around.”
“You’re kidding, right?” I narrowed my eyes at him, my head slightly angling. “Is Emily normally very jealous or …?”
“Nah, not really. I guess she was a little jealous of you when we first met. She asked me when we were starting out if you and I had ever, you know, dated and stuff. But she knows we’ve been friends since before I met her, and I mean, she knows Nathan, so I guess that’s why she doesn’t mind.”
“Well, I’m glad we’re authorized to be friends,” I quipped, but it was the truth. I was glad Emily hadn’t forbidden him to talk to me because I would’ve been devastated. I liked her a lot too. She was so sweet.
“Speaking of the devil,” he said, jerking his chin forward. I glanced that way and saw Emily standing near the entrance holding a small bouquet of white flowers. “I asked her to bring those for you.”
“Aw! Nolan, you shouldn’t have.” I planned to buy more white flowers at some point during the day to place around the apartment as I usually did.
Emily waved hello from afar and walked in our direction.
“Hey, Billie!” Emily said with a hug. “These are for you.”
“Thank you, guys. They’re beautiful.” I could see Aaron and David standing in the distance. And something told me today was going to be a hard day for Aaron too. He was there with me when my mother died. We went through it together, as we had with Caleb.
Almost two months had passed since Caleb’s death, but it didn’t feel any better, and it all was still bundled up into a big, fat, ugly knot in my chest.
Something told me Aaron felt the same, but he never allowed a drop of emotion to show on his clean-shaven, expressionless face. Not even on a day like this.
