Page 106 of Awestruck at Dusk
I flipped around the bench to see him. “What do you mean?”
“I wrote it,” he said, taking a seat just across from where I sat. “For you.”
“William.” I shook my head, unable to fathom what I just heard. It was the most beautiful song ever, and that he would do something like that for me … it made my heart unhealthily skip a few beats.
“I named itUsback then, but the song’s yours, so you can change the name if you want to.” He leaned back and stretched his arms open on the sofa’s backrest, his body language screaming self-confidence at me—power. Power he had over me, and he knew it.
I frowned as I twisted my fingers over my lap, careful not to meet his gaze.
Us. I liked the name. Shit.
“What are you so angry about?” he asked. “You’ve been raging about something all day, but I can’t tell exactly why that is.”
“I’m not.”
“Bullshit,” he called my bluff. “And I’m not letting you stand up from that bench until you tell me why.” He readjusted his posture once again, leaning in as he rested his elbows over his knees.
I looked away and bit my lower lip with a smile—the nervous kind of smile. “I’m not mad. We’re just … even.”
“I need you to explain yourself, Guille. It’s almost five a.m., and I’m not in the mood for wordplay,” he warned. “Are you jealous about Rachel King?”
Enough with keeping myself locked up inside my mind. I wanted to break free from my father’s grasp, but I couldn’t free myself from my thoughts?
“Yes. About the others, too. But not as much as I am about Zara.” There I said it. And it felt so great.
“And why is it that we’re even?”
Okay, so freeing my mind had to be done in a phased manner. I wasn’t ready to tell him I heard them having sex, but I could express my jealousy toward Zara. I was sure William was smart enough to put two and two together.
I brushed my forehead and continued, “You came here with Zara when you said you never brought girls to the cottage. And she slept in your bedroom before you arrived. You got her into Juilliard. You’re paying for everything. She told us how you want to buy her an apartment,” I rambled on. “I know you’re generous, but doesn’t it seem like a lot for someone who’sjusta friend?”
“You’ve got it all wrong,” he said, standing up. He took a few steps forward, squatted in front of the bench where I sat. “I did bring Zara here, but it’s different—we’re friends.”
“With great benefits,” I scoffed. “The only reason why you’re down here right now with me and not upstairs with her is that she’s dysfunctional after passing out earlier.”
He snorted and shook his head with an angry laugh. “You reallydon’tknow what you’re talking about.”
“Well, you asked why I was pissed, and that’s the information I have to work with.”
“You’re pissed off and jealous because you insist on forcing things with Nathan—because you think you know what to expect with him. And you’re used to that. Yet you’re terrified to try things with me when you know you want to.” Now William was angry. “I’d take that jealousy away from you in a second if you’d only allowed me to.”
“Of course I am!” I shouted back. I composed myself and modulated my voice. “I know I feel like I’ve been cut in half ever since you got shot. And it’s been the hardest thing to deal with because youknowthat I love Nathan, but I—” I stopped myself because I became aware that I was about to say something that I didn’t even realize I felt strongly enough to say out loud.
I played dumb and switched it up. “I’ve been struggling to put my thoughts and feelings in order. So when we talked after my birthday party, I felt like you were so easy to turn around and just—give up. And then you were back to dating a different model every weekend, and that Rachel actress, and I didn’t want you to give up.”
“Well, what did you expect, Guille?” he said, sitting on the coffee table behind him, our knees touching. “You told me you’d chosen Nathan. And I’ve been”—he closed his eyes and took a deep, annoyed breath in—“patientwith you—waiting as I’ve never had in my life because I thought you just had to get Nathan out of your system. But I realized that night how much of a coward you are, so yes, I gave up. I can’t wait for you forever.”
“I’mnota coward.” Yeah, I was. He didn’t mind calling my shit to my face.
“Then come with me to South Africa,” he threw at me. “Because I can’t stop thinking about you as much as I want to pretend like I don’t anymore. As much as I try to forget you with others. It’s useless. So let’s just cut the crap and come to South Africa with me.”
“William, I-I can’t. I—”
“You said you’re not a coward. And you’ve made it clear that you feel the same way I do—that you can’t stop thinking about me either,” he said, staring into my eyes so intently that I basically allowed him inside my mind. “So why don’t you kill two birds with one stone and fly back with me to South Africa so we can finally see how great we can be together and piss your father off in the process. You know you want to do both.”
I did. Both. So much. But how?
I couldn’t!
