Page 26 of Awestruck at Dusk
Never.
It’d been merely three weeks and a few days since he admitted to listening to Nathan and me having sex, admitted to going crazy because of it. So how was I to ignore William and deliberately hurt him like that?
Another proud and immature part of me taunted me with the idea of Zara arriving today.What if she wants to stay with him and not you?What if she shares his bed?What if he cares about the both of you,just like you care about both ofthem?
I was running out of time. The ticking seconds laughed at me as they sauntered away, reminding me how I couldn’t live like this. It’s as if I were stuck in between night and day—eternal dusk. Not fully able to drown in the darkness or wallow in the light.
I pulled away from Nathan in a tender way and said, “Could you bring me some water?” He seemed displeased. I assumed he would rather go back to what his fingers had started to do, but my mouth was parched, and I needed a minute to think about how to handle the wall situation.
He needed to know that I felt uncomfortable knowing William could hear us.
Nathan stood up and flew to the kitchen. He didn’t seem like planning on taking too long to return, so I rushed to the bathroom, half-stumbling my way there, but he appeared when I was brushing my teeth.
“That’s not fair.” He laughed. “Now I have to brush my teeth too.”
“You don’t have to,” I said after rinsing my mouth.
“Oh, I do. Out you go,” he said, handing the glass of water to me. I smiled and walked back to my bed, taking a long drink as I sat on the edge. I took a deep breath and settled the glass on my nightstand.
Nathan stepped out of the bathroom wearing a grin, running a hand through his hair and down the back of his neck. He stepped in front of me and kissed me, slowly laying me back on the bed. His fresh, minty tongue wasn’t playing games. No more teasing. Claiming.
“You won’t hold back,” he said, almost an order. It’s as if he could tell that was exactly what I was planning to do. And a part of me wanted to obey that order—to give in.
But how?
I wished I could be like those people who don’t give a shit about anything. People who just live, and feel, and do. But I couldn’t be like that. And I couldn’t figure out if it was wrong for me to care too much—about William.
And there I was, stuck again in the last second of nightfall.
I needed to break free.
“Wait,” I finally dared to say. Nathan stretched his arms up and pulled away. Fast. The gray of his eyes more prominent than the green, trained on me, waiting for an explanation. “I need to talk to you.”
He allowed his weight to fall to the side, right next to me. I couldseewhy he was so annoyed about making him stop. And I really didn’t want to have to do this. I never had.
Say it quickly,don’t hesitate.
“William can hear us having sex, and I’m not comfortable with it.”
“We—would have to be having sex in the first place for him to be able to listen, love,” he said, his voice a tad bitter. Grouchy.I get it.
“What Imeanis he’s heard us before. And that’s beyond my comfort zone,” I explained. “I can’t loosen up, knowing he’s right beside us. I hold back, involuntarily.”
Nathan snorted and sat up straight, and I did too because I wanted to level up with his angry, fiery gaze.
“When did he mention this to you?”
“On the night of the premiere.”
“Bollocks.”
“Nathan, I’m telling you the truth.”
“Then why did you hold back on me when I came back from the Super Bowl if not because of him? I remember thinking you were still angry at me about the order of protection we made you sign, but no.”
“Nathan, I swear I didn’t know. At the time, I only assumed he did, but I didn’t know for sure.” I said, trying to keep my voice down. “I can hear him playing the piano all the time, shutting doors, laughing. So I thought ifIcould hear him, then he could hear … us.”
“And why would he bring it up in the first place? Why does he care? I mean, you’re having sex with your boyfriend, so what? It’s not like you haven’t heard anything coming out ofhisroom. I’m sure you have by now. Knowing how he is.”
