Page 25 of Awestruck at Dusk
April 10, 2010
I OPENED MY EYES, panting, my head pounding from the imminent headache surfacing from the comfort of my lazy neurotransmitters—fully charged, ready to strike. My face was humid with the tiniest drops of sweat, but the sensation of it was cold. Not warm or sticky. Just ice cold.
“Murph?” Nathan whispered, brushing his unruly brown waves off his forehead. His eyes were big, trained on my face. Worried.
Did I scream?
A knock on my wall confirmed to me that I probably did because William wanted to know if I was okay.
Shit.
“Ah, hi,” I said, rolling on my side to face him, ignoring the wall. Ignoring William.
My eyelids fluttered a few times, quickly, as I adjusted to the faint bluish light coming in through the sides of the window shades. It was early in the morning.
“What was that?” he asked.
“What was what?” I asked back. I didn’t know if he meant the knock on the wall or my screaming or both. But just then, William knocked again.
I closed my eyes for a second, exhaling slowly through my nose.
“That.” Nathan jerked his chin at the wall behind me.
“Did I—scream?” I asked, double-checking. He nodded, so I dragged myself out of bed, knocked back twice, and threw myself back next to Nathan.
Ouch.
I grimaced, feeling like my body would break down and my head would detach from it any second now if I didn’t maintain myself in a horizontal position for a little longer.
“That was William,” I replied to the obvious question. “He’s just probably wondering if I’m okay.”
Nathan clicked his tongue, seemingly unhappy about my too-familiar interaction with William. I was about to reply when my cell phone vibrated on my nightstand. I picked it up and saw William’s initials on my screen.
As I stared at the screen, Nathan said, “Aren’t you getting that?” He sat up, and I bit the inside of my cheek, wondering if he wanted me to take it or not, but I didn’t have the energy to get into an abstract and figurative mood, so I took the call, just as he suggested.
“Hey…No,I’m fine…No, I’m not. Nathan’s here…Yes…Um,what?…Did I?…I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to…No…Okay…I know…Okay…Thanks,bye.”
“I’m sorry,” I said to Nathan, lowering my brows and dropping my phone on my nightstand.
William had just informed me he heard me screaminghisname.
The last time I did that, I was in big trouble, so yeah, it wasn’t something he could hear without reacting. This is why I didn’t mind that Nathan hadn’t stayed over until now. I was trying to avoid this from happening. To freak him out as my brain processed trauma during my sleep.
William wanted to come over and check on me; that’s why I told him Nathan was here. But that just made his voice go low and dusky. I was sure once Zara arrived in a few hours, his mood would brighten up again.
“I keep having these nightmares, and I don’t know how—”
“It’s okay,” he replied, kissing my cheek. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No,” I said quickly. “No, I—no.”
Nathan couldn’t help but snort with a smile. “Okay,no. But how about I make you forget about it?” He leaned in and kissed me, his hands wandering up my thighs, making me gasp.
Saying no to Nathan wasn’t just something I was strong enough to do. But it was so still and quiet outside that I swear I could even hear birds singing. Or maybe I was just going insane.
But IknewWilliam was most likely still in bed, resting on the other side of our ridiculously flimsy four-inch drywall.
I know I shouldn’t have cared. But I did! I’d throw myself out the window if I heard anything of the sort coming out from his bedroom. I wouldn’t be able to stomach it. No.
