Page 41 of Veinblood
“I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.”
The distance between us disappears as he crosses the room. His hands frame my face, thumbs brushing along my cheekbones. “Then tomorrow we go home.”
Home. Not to his world. Home toourworld. The place where we make sense together.
I lean into his touch, closing my eyes. “Tomorrow.”
But first, I have things to take care of. Loose ends to tie up. A life to set aside in a way that won't leave people searching for answers I can't give them.
I make a list of things I need to do, and work through it one step at a time, while Sacha watches. Each task feels like closing a door I'll never open again. Resignation letter. Letters to friends that explain nothing while saying goodbye to everything.
“Will they believe your explanations?” he asks as I seal the last letter.
“For a while. Long enough for it not to matter when they stop.” I set the letters aside. “My friends will be hurt that I didn't say goodbye in person, but I think eventually they'll believe I finally got tired of settling for less than I wanted.”
“They wouldn't be wrong.”
I consider that. In a way, he's right. I am leaving behind a life of settling, of accepting whatever came along because it was easier than fighting for something better. The difference is, I'm not running away from responsibility. I'm running toward it.
The apartment grows quiet as evening deepens. We eat dinner from takeout containers, the last meal I'll ever have in this kitchen.
“What will you miss most?” Sacha asks, studying the city lights beyond the window.
I follow his gaze, considering the question. “Hot showers, and coffee.Definitelycoffee.”
“Is that all?”
I think harder, trying to identify what leaving this world actually costs me. “The safety, maybe. The luxury of not mattering to anyone's survival except my own.”
“That's not a small thing to give up.”
“No,” I agree. “But it's not worth keeping either.”
Later, when we’re lying in bed, Sacha turns to me.
“Any regrets?” His voice is soft in the darkness.
I consider lying for half a second, but while Sacha may have withheld parts of the truth sometimes, he’s never outright lied to me. He deserves the same in return.
“A few. But not about choosing you.” The words slip out before I can stop them. “Not about choosing us.”
He goes still beside me. “Ellie?—”
“I know you didn’t ask me to choose you over a safe life, but that’s what I’m doing.” I turn in his arms. “I’m choosing us.This. And everything that comes with it.”
He doesn’t answer for the longest time, then just when I think he’s fallen asleep, his lips find my ear, and he whispers words that almost break me.
“I’ve never been anyone’s choice before.”
Chapter Twelve
SACHA
“What was severed seeks reunion. What was silenced seeks voice.”
The Nature of Veinblood Rebirth
The roombeneath Nyassa’s house is cramped with the three of us inside. Walls press close around us, and the air smells of earth and damp. There are wooden crates stacked against one of the walls wrapped in something that reminds me of parchment, only thicker, and white devices with flashing lights against another wall that I can’t even guess the function of. There is only one way in and out. A narrow staircase that leads up to the main house. If something goes wrong, we could be trapped in here forever.
