Page 40 of Veinblood
I turn to face him. “What?”
“You don't have to return.” He doesn't look away from the window as he speaks. “You have a life here. A world that makes sense to you. Somewhere you don't have to fight wars or worry about the Authority hunting you. You can be safe.” Now he does turn, his eyes serious. “The ritual Nyassa described is dangerous. There's no guarantee it will work. No guarantee we'll end up where we intend. And even if we do make it back to Meridian, the war will still be waiting.”
“You think I can't handle it.”
“I think you've already sacrificed enough.” His voice grows quiet. “Ellie, you never asked for any of this. The Veinblood Masters sent you away so you would remain untouched by it. My summoning pulled you back into a conflict that isn’t yours to fight. You've already done more than anyone had the right to ask of you.”
I study his face. His features are blank, but I know him well enough now to see the conflict beneath it.
“You're trying to convince me to stay here without you.” The realization hurts. “After everything we’ve been through together, you’re trying to talk me out of coming back with you.”
“That’s not—” He stops, and looks away. “I want you safe.”
“You want me safe, or youwant me gone?”
“Mel’shira, no.” His voice is sharp. “I want you with me, but not if it’s going to kill you.” He takes a breath, and his voice is softer when he next speaks. “I'm telling you that you have options.Realoptions. A life here that doesn't involve avoiding Authority soldiers or wondering if today will be the day a battle goes wrong.”
“What if I don't want that anymore?”
The question hangs between us. He looks away.
“Then that is your decision to make,” he says finally. “But it should beyoursalone. Not something you feel obligated to do because of what we've been through together.”
“And you think this is the life I want?”
“You grew up here. You understand how things work. You have friends, a job, a world that makes sense to you.”
I look around my apartment.Reallylook at it. The mismatched furniture I've accumulated over the years. The stack of bills on the counter. The generic prints on the walls, chosen more for affordability than personal meaning. Evidence of a life lived without passion, without purpose.
“Do you want to know what I was doing before your summoning reached me? I was Christmas shopping. Walking home through slush and car exhaust fumes with bags full of gifts for people I see maybe three times a month. I was thinking about whether I could really afford to take some time off work, wondering if I should text back the guy from three mediocre dates just because being alone felt worse than being bored.
“I remember thinking that this was as good as my life wasgoing to get. That maybe settling forfinewas actually wisdom instead of cowardice.Thatwas my life, Sacha. A job that paid the bills but meant nothing. An apartment I could barely afford. Friends I saw every few months for lunch because we ran out of things to talk about if we saw each other more often. A routine that never changed and never challenged me.” I move closer to him. “Do you know what I felt when I woke up in that desert and saw your tower?”
“Terror, I'd imagine.”
“Fear, yes. And confusion. But underneath all of that?” I search for the right words. “I saw possibility. Like maybe there was a reason I was there. That maybe my ordinary life wasn't the only option I had.”
He studies my face, searching for … I don’t know what. “That could have been adrenaline and dehydration talking. The novelty of adventure. It's different when the reality sets in. When people you care about start dying.”
“People I care about arealreadydying. The Veinwardens, the fighters who have become part of something larger than myself.” My voice grows stronger. “They're facing the Authority without us. How is hiding here supposed to make me feel safe?”
“It's not hiding if you're simply reclaiming your life.”
“This isn't my life anymore! And I don’t think it ever really was.” The words ring with certainty I didn't expect. “It was just what I accepted because I didn’t know there was anything else. Because I didn’t know I was capable of more. It was my life before I understood the difference between surviving andactually living. Before I met you. I want to fight beside you. I want to help end the Authority's control. I want to use the power that was put in me to free the people they've oppressed.” I take another step closer. “I want to be somewhere I'm needed instead of where I'm comfortable.”
“The war might last years. Decades. There's no guarantee we'll survive it.”
“There's no guarantee I'll survive crossing the street tomorrow. At least in Meridian, my life means something.”
He's quiet for a long moment, conflict playing across his features. When he speaks again, his voice is rough with emotion he's trying to contain.
“I can't promise you'll be safe.”
“I can't promise you'll be safe either. That's what makes us a good team.”
The ghost of a smile touches his lips. “You're certain about this?”
I think of the bracelet on my wrist, of the magic flowing through me, of Nyassa's tears when she recognized Sacha, and of the sacrifices already made to keep me alive. My thoughts go to Mira, and Varam, and the Veinwardens still fighting battles while we’re here.
