Page 65 of Have a Bear-y Little Christmas
“Then let’s focus on that and celebrate it, yeah?”
“Yeah.” I swallowed and pulled away so I could wipe my face. Now that my tears were no longer flowing freely, they were freezing in biting little rivulets along my face, making me wish I was wearing my knitted face covering. I’d left it at our cabin since I didn’t expect to be outside much, not with Max needing to recover from the first two days—the great snowball war and the ice-fishing adventure. “Thank you. For all this. It’s good to know, uh, what you think about things.”
“Glad to share ’em. But for now, you wanna head inside? Warm up those cheeks of yours and check on the lil’ man?”
“Yeah, just need a minute to catch my breath.”
“You take all the time you need, Miss Ma’am. I ain’t in no rush.” She sent me a warm grin. “After all, it’s the holidays.”
“It certainly is.”
The two of us looked out over the old playground. We didn’t say anything, but there was no need to. We were in our heads a bit, but that was okay, because there were valuable things going on in there.
“Okay, I’m ready,” I said once I had my emotions under control and my eyes didn’t feel puffy anymore. If Ana was bothered by the cold or standing out here with me, she didn’t show any signs of it. Granted, she didn’t really seem like the type to anyway.
We headed in together in comfortable silence. If Zara was anything like her sister, I understood why she and Remy got along so well. And strangely, I wasn’t insecure or jealous about it. I thought I might be, at least a little, since Remy had truly had a deep and understanding love with Zara, a sort of storybook romance like those I edited for my clients. After all, how could I measure up to that?
But no, there wasn’t really a lot of room for my insecurity. I was happy they’d had a chance to be together at all. Just becauseher story had been short didn’t mean it wasn’t meaningful. And just because it was meaningful didn’t mean Remy couldn’t have a story withme.
I was getting ahead of myself. I had no idea if Remy had any romantic inclinations toward me or if I was misinterpreting things, but honestly, that was okay. The important part was that I was giving myself permission to feel longing and desire just like anybody else. It was so freeing, so maybe it wasn’t only Remy who was walking around with a weight lifted off his shoulders.
“Hey, Mama,” Max said. He was sitting up, with Eva’s toys at his side and Addy’s book in his hands. “Where’d ya end up going to?”
“Auntie Ana and I went on a bit of a walk.” There was no reason to fib when she was right beside me. Besides, I had a strict policy of always telling my son the truth whenever possible, even if it could be uncomfortable. “Where are the girls?”
They had been glued together like their own happy little unit, so it was strange to see them apart before bedtime.
“They wanted some time alone with their daddy. It’s Christmas, ya know? Probably got a lot to talk about ‘n’ feel together.”
That seemed to be going around.
“I understand that. Well, do you wanna hang with me for a bit?”
“Actually,” he said in that tone of his where I knew he was keen on an idea but trying to be casual about it. “I heard about this poggers trail from some of the kids, not a long one, but it goes through a really old part of the forest. Apparently, there’s a cabin that looks just like a real secret Santa’s Workshop instead of that fake one in the city!”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah! With all the snow, it’s a real winter wonderland, and since nobody lives there, some of the icicles can get almost as tall as me! I think it would be hella cool to go.”
“I know what you’re talking about,” Ana said, seemingveryinto the idea. “It actually is a really great trail and only like an hour, hour and a half there and back, even if you go slow with kids.
“There’s this half-frozen pond along the way with a mini waterfall. You can see the fish moving way down below on the frozen side. If I remember right, there’s a circle of pine trees that completely shelter the ground, and a fire pit that a lot of people will stop at to rest and warm up. I’d actually love to go with you.TiaDulce has absconded with my kids again because her husband promised to teach them trapping, so they loaded up in their van this morning and took off about an hour northwest to the actual wildlands.”
“Really? You’d be willing to lead point on our hike? We’re pretty slow, the two of us.” I didn’t want Max to feel like he would be holding us back, so I made sure to include that I was also not a speedy walker.
“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. Besides, it would be a great way for us to hang out. I love my nieces, but they have been hogging you, my good man.”
“That is because I am an utter delight.”
“And don’t you forget it!”
“I won’t,” my son said, the corner of his mouth twitching. He knew exactly how delightfully precocious he was being. “I have anexcellentmemory.” He paused, and his attention returned to me as he set the book down. “What time is it, Mama?”
“Almost one.”
“Do you wanna get some food? Go to our cabin ‘n’ change into our thermal socks, then head out on the trail around three?That way, even if we go really,reallyslow, we’ll make it back before sundown. Like, right before sundown, but still.”
Ilovedthat my son was proactively requesting food. What a long way we had come! “Sounds like a plan to me. Let’s go get our grub on, shall we?”
