Page 71 of Have a Bear-y Little Christmas
“No!” he objected forcefully. “Mama, it sounded so cool!”
“Yeah, it’s pretty sweet,” Addy chimed in, which surprised me. It wasn’t like her to pile on—she had a bit more tact than Eva to know this wasn’t the right time to say such a thing.
“I know, baby, but we can try again tomorrow. Or another day when you’re more up to it.”
“I can carry you,” I offered. Max’s weight was basically nothing to me, so it wouldn’t be a real issue.
The kids all exchanged wide-eyed glances, and I wondered if I had stuck my foot in it.
“I don’t need to be carried!”
Whoa, it seemed like I really had messed up.
“That’s okay. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I was just trying to help.”
“I know,” Max answered. “I just… can you please go for me, Mama?” he asked beseechingly. “And take a ton of pics and videos for me? It’s not a lot farther!”
“Big guy, I love you, but I’m not letting you walk all the way back to the cabin on your own.”
“I’ll take him,” Ana said. “That way you and the girls can still go on ahead, and Jeannie can get all the photos and videos she needs.”
“Thank you, Ana, you don’t have to.”
“Actually, I have a tummy ache,” Addy said, her forehead creasing.
“You do?” I asked only for her to nod very resolutely. “Jeez, I’m sorry.”
I had a sneaky suspicion that my daughter was lying to me, which was a new and concerning thing, but I also couldn’t help but wonder if it was because she didn’t want Max to feel bad for needing to call it quits because of his body.
“If Addy’s going back, I wanna go back,” Eva blurted, her intensity ratcheting up to about eleven.
What the hell is going on here?
We’d been having so much fun, now suddenly everyone was suddenly sick. Had something set them off? Or was this just the three of them sticking together no matter what?
“It’s okay everyone, let’s all head back to the main cabin, get food and hot drinks, then maybe turn in early tonight and try again tomorrow.”
“No!” Max wailed, which was really unlike him. “Mama, I don’t want you to miss out on another thing just because I’m a stupid sick kid.”
Whoa.
“Honey!” Jeannie said, sounding shocked and hurt.
I didn’t blame her. My own heart was sinking, and if I hadn’t been through my own shit, my eyes probably would have teared up a little. I could endure a lot of things, but man, kids being hurt or upset was my kryptonite.
In fact, my inner bear rose from his slumber, growling within me, and I felt the urge to puff out my chest and scare off whatever was terrorizing a cub. But that was the crux of things, wasn’t it? The thing terrorizing Max wasn’t something that could be seen, or touched, or beaten to a pulp. It was the echoes of a nightmare he’d valiantly fought through but had left so many scars.
“I haven’t missed out on anything because of you. You’ve given me so much.”
Max leaned forward and took his mother’s hands. I almost felt like I was eavesdropping, the moment was so intimate. “Mama, I know it’s just a cabin, but please, could you go there and have fun for me? And take all the pictures? I just… It’s like I’ve been a normal kid ever since we got here and I…” He sniffled. “Can’t we just keep pretending that I am?”
Oh my god, I might actually cry. While I didn’t buy into toxic masculinity, I wasn’t a big crier naturally. But what Max said touched me in a way I hadn’t expected. He was so happy all the time, it was jarring to realize he still had so much pain inside of him.
“Please, please,please, Mama, finish the hike and take photos for me?”
“Okay, big man. I’ll do it for you.”
“Foryou, Mama.”
