Page 107 of Have a Bear-y Little Christmas
I nodded and brushed my lips over her forehead. It was barely the ghost of a touch, but hopefully it let her know I was thoroughly and completely there for her.
It seemed to do the trick, because she smiled softly and continued.
“We had a sort of whirlwind romance. I guess you could say he was my first love. We traveled across the country, and I got to see so many things I never did. The commune was up in Washington, so you can imagine how different everything was.
“We actually lasted longer than you would expect. Nearly two full years of honeymooning. And you know what? I’m sure it would have kept going for at least another couple if I didn’t get pregnant. I thought long and hard about whether I wanted to keep the baby. I knew it would be hard. And I do believe people should have a choice. But to me, it felt like my journey involved having a kid with the love of my life.
“As you can imagine, Jacob didn’t agree, so he pushed me out at a rest stop in North Carolina and drove off. I could have chased him, but seeing his taillights disappear into the distance while I stood there in the dead of night told me he was gone forever.”
“I… I’m so sorry, Jeannie. I really am. You never deserved any of that.”
“You’re right. I didn’t. But you wanna know what’s crazy?”
That was a very wild thing to ask after the full story she just told me, but I nodded instead of pointing that out.
“It was actually the lot lizards who saved me.”Lot lizards?“All those women who were probably more tired than I was, colder, and plenty of them had substance abuse issues—”Ah.Suddenly I understood the term. “—they found me standing there in the parking lot hours later and took me to this dive hotel, let me stay with them, made sure I showered and ate. The next day, they took me to one of the ‘good’ drivers who brought me to a shelter here for unwed mothers and survivors of domestic abuse. I never really thought of what I went through as domestic abuse, but all those amazing women made me see I had been taken advantage of.”
“Jeannie, I would like to hug you now,” I said, my voice shaking.
“You are hugging me,” she said, gesturing to my arms wrapped around her waist.
“You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“So, may I? Only if you’re comfortable.” Although every single atom in my body was longing to hold her, to squeeze her, to shield her from anything that could ever hurt her again, I knew she was in such a tricky and tremulous position that I needed to make sure she was okay with every step I took. Too many people in her life had failed her, had violated her consent in one way or another, and I would never be one to join that list. I would launch myself into space before I did that.
“Please,” she said, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and leaning her head against my cheek. “Just hold me for a while. You always make me feel so much better.”
If I could have that engraved on a piece of wood, I would hang it over my entryway with pride. I was even tempted to rent one of those planes with a trailing banner behind it.
It wasn’t the right time to gloat, however, so I held her until her scent settled and her heart stopped thundering. Once she was calmer, I lifted her chin and stared into her eyes.
“Thank you so much for sharing this with me, Jeannie. I don’t take it lightly. But please, there is just one thing I need to ask you.”
Nerves played openly across her face, and I hated that I was making her uncertain, but my question was vital. “What is it?”
“You understand thatnoneof this is your fault, right?None.Every single one of these people failed you when you were alone and vulnerable.”
She stared at me. Stared some more. And then stared a bit longer. I almost wondered if I’d burst into full Creole with how she was… yup,stillstaring.
“Jeannie?” I prodded gently.
“Sorry, it’s just, uh, I don’t think I’ve ever heard that before. Probably because I’ve never told anyone in my current life about my old one. It kind of took me by surprise.”
“That’s okay. I’ll keep on saying it as long as you need to hear it.”
I didn’t expect her to lean forward and kiss me, but I welcomed it. It was gentle, tentative, and salty from her tears, but lovely, nonetheless.
When we parted, I was so flooded with fondness and affection that I wanted to see her smile one more time.
“Do you want me to take care of those assholes for you?” I said sincerely.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Whatever you want it to. Make them dinner. Run them out of town. With a sniper rifle. Whatever you want.”
That finally did it. A giggle burst out of her. It did make me feel pretty great about myself that even in very serious timeswhen discussing the worst of the worst, I could still bring joy to Jeannie’s life. She certainly brought so much to mine.
