“I caught him eating a candy bar—”
Carolyn’s laughter cuts me off, and I realize how stupid that sounded.
I snort out a laugh of my own. “Like, he really is super embarrassed about eating candy.”
Carolyn’s eyes narrow in judgment. “Wait, wait, wait—are you blackmailing him or something? Are you demanding that he fuck you to shut you up?”
They break out into fits of giggles, and I feel my cheeks redden.
When I’m finally done with my drink, and they’ve settled, I continue.
“The last thing I need is to be at odds with the hot new guy in town, so I went over to talk with him and caught him eating candy. We exchanged numbers and eventually texts…”
“So…is he interested?” Carolyn asks cynically. “I mean, of course he is—you’re hot! But he sounds like a real piece of work.”
“He agreed to back down from his anti-savage stance.”
“In exchange for you fucking him?” Stephanie says, appalled.
“No! That was my idea.”
Stephanie and Carolyn exchange confused looks.
“Mommy, did you just say fuck?” April says, and we turn to see her staring innocently at us.
“Honey, we’re talking about something important. If you want the cupcake Lacy brought over, go color in your room until we’re done.”
April bounds away, not wanting to risk her strawberry cupcake.
Stephanie turns to me. “Please, dear Lord, make this make sense.”
“We started texting, and he apologized for being an asshole while still insulting me.”
“Classic man tactic,” Steph cuts in.
“He offered me a free pass to his gym.”
“Arrogant as fuck, I see,” Carolyn adds.
“And I offered him a lifetime supply of candy.”
Stephanie’s brow raises. “Good pivot!”
“And, well, then I sent him a picture of my pussy.”
“Wait—what?!?” they shout in unison.
Stephanie’s jaw hangs open in obvious judgment. Fuck, even I’m disgusted with myself. Carolyn looks impressed, nodding her head as if in agreement.
I hand over my phone, and they scroll through the messages, their eyes darting up at me every few seconds.
“What the fuck, baby sis!”
“I know!”
Carolyn chortles. “And you’re using April’s playdate as a chance to hook up?”
“Yeah, I do apologize for that. It’s something I felt I needed to talk to Steph about.”