Page 33 of Sugar Rush
Nearly choking on the water I’d poured for myself, I gave him an incredulous look. “How the hell is itmyfault if you get fucked by random alphas at college?” Even saying the words out loud had my muscles tightening. My teeth felt like they would shatter under the pressure of my clenched jaw. His body should have been mine, and mine only. No one else in the world should have been allowed to touch him, and certainly not fuck him.
Still completely serene and unbothered, he shrugged a shoulder. He was wearing my fucking hoodie again. It was big on him, swallowing up his slender form. “You’re the one making me go as a single virgin.”
A growl crawled its way up my throat. “You’re blaming me for the fact that you’re a single virgin?”
“I’m not blaming you,” he corrected me. “But if you don’t want me hooking up with other guys, you know what to do.”
“I…” His blunt words hit me like a truck, knocking my brain into some far off dimension where it couldn’t allow me to form words or thoughts or ideas. “I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”
“You know exactly what I’m saying, Kieran,” he said. “If we were together, I wouldn’t even look at another guy. You know that.”
“T-together!?”
The word burst out of my mouth like a bullet, my heart suddenly pounding in my chest. I whipped around to stare into the dimly lit living room, where my mom and Chester were still happily cuddled up on the couch, without a care in the world or a clue what insanity Jordy was spouting. It wasn’t like I didn’t know he had a crush on me, or an infatuation with me, or whatever. But hearing him actually say it out loud, that it wasmeholding us back from beinga couple.I couldn’t describe the feeling. My blood was rushing through my veins like a typhoon.
“You… You have no idea what you’re saying,” I retorted, even though my response didn’t make any sense and we both knew it. But I felt like I could barely think, let alone speak.
“You know what I want, Kieran. If you don’t want me, then fine. But don’t complain if I get with other guys. You can’t force me to be miserable and alone just because you’re afraid.”
“That’s-” I cut myself off, my breath practically heaving out now. “I’m not fuckingafraid.” It was a lie. “I’m trying to protect you.”
“Protect me from what?” He asked, glaring. “The social stigma of dating my stepbrother? I already told you I don’t care about that.”
“And I already told you it’s not about that!” I snapped.
“Then what is it about?” He demanded.
“It doesn’t matter! I said I don’t want to talk about it.”
“So I’m just supposed to accept that there’s some horrible secret that’s ruining my life and keeping me from being happy, and I’m not even allowed to know what it is?”
“I’m not ruining your life,” I protested. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to prevent!”
I knew right away I must have let something slip in the tone of my voice, because his expression immediately softened, his eyebrows furrowing together in obvious concern for me. He reached over to where I’d slammed my palm down onto the table, stroking his soft fingertips over the back of my hand.
“Kieran, whatever you think is so bad… I can handle it,” he said. The promise and honesty in his voice was so palpable. The need to believe him was so deep and sharp and painful that I almost forgot exactly what we were talking about. I couldn’t give in. “I’m not weak,” he added.
“I know you aren’t,” I said. It was the truth. I’d never thought of him that way. He could be impulsive and trusting and downright naive at times, but never weak. “It’s not about that.”
He still hadn’t moved his fingers off my hand. I knew I should pull away, but that simple, basic contact of his skin to mine felt too good.
He sighed a little, looking like he was formulating a response to what I’d said, but before he could say anything, his phone buzzed on the table, the screen lighting up with a notification. He glanced down at it, and I prepared for him to pull away to answer it. I wouldn’t have blamed him. But as he read, I watched his mouth morph into an annoyed little pout and some shadow of unhappiness pass over his eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he said quickly, the warmth of his hand leaving me to turn his screen off.
“Who’s texting you?” I asked. It wasn’t exactly an uncommon question from me. But usually I was asking because he was grinning or giggling at some text. Luckily, most of those were just from Dani. This time I was asking because I could tell he was bothered.
He shook his head a little, fidgeting with the strings on the hoodie he’d stolen from my room. “Um, I don’t actually know.”
“You’re texting with someone you don’t know?” I asked, to confirm. That didn’t sound like the Jordy Nolan I knew.
“Uh, no. Not exactly. I just mean I’ve been getting these weird texts from random numbers.”
“What kind of texts?”
“Um…” He trailed off, glancing away from me, like he didn’t want to meet my eyes. “Well, I’ve just been deleting them and blocking the number, so…”
