Page 129 of Not In The Contract
“You haven’t fed me yet. Just saying… Aha!” I stuck my nose in the jackpot box and inhaled deeply, my mouth instantly watering.
Tamera leaned over and claimed a box of egg fried rice for herself. “God, I’m starving. It’s been too fucking long, Devon.”
“Since you’ve eaten?” I asked with a full mouth.
She rolled her eyes. “Since I’ve seen you. Stop being coy.”
“I know, I know. But it’s not just my work, you seem to be busy here too.”
I wasn’t being coy before, but I definitely was now, watching her face carefully for any telltale signs. But Tam was a pro, and her face was nothing beyond urgent chewing.
She pulled up her shoulders in a nonchalant shrug. “You know how it goes.”
The air hung heavy between us with things unsaid. From both sides.
“I can’t stop thinking about her,” I finally admitted, hating the tinge of vulnerability in my voice.
A soft smile turned the corners of her mouth. “Devon, it’s okay to miss her. You both share something special, and there’s no shame in feeling the way you do.”
I sighed, my heart heavy with uncertainty. “Yeah, but what am I supposed to do with it? All I want to do is talk to her, find out if she’s okay, just…”
Tam set down her rice and took my hand. “You know, it’s very likely that Alex misses you just as much. Sometimes you have to take a leap and be honest about your feelings. If you don’t, you’ll always be wondering.”
I smiled at her words of encouragement, but hesitation still held me back. “I wish it were that easy. I don’t want to push her or make her uncomfortable. Besides, I was the one to make this call. How would it look if I’m the one running back?”
“Running back?” She scoffed, pulling her braids up into a messy bun. “You’d be reaching out to see how she’s doing. That’s hardly running back.”
I knew what she was trying to say, but it didn’t ring true with me. Reaching out to Alex would be undoing the distance I’d created. Would I be able to just check in and leave it at that? The probability was low.
“If she misses me at all, then she should be the one to make the first move.” I doubled down, swapping out my egg foo young for a steamed pork dumpling. I’d eat my feelings, since dealing with them proved impossible.
“In this day and age, are you seriously going to sit across from me and talk about first moves?” She smirked. “You’re strong, independent, capable… You can totally bridge the gap between you two if you wanted. No strings.”
I groaned inwardly. What if I wanted strings? What if all I’d been able to think about since walking away from Alex was how to get those strings back? I didn’t know a lot, but that was one thing I was sure of: I was in love with Alex Bell, and I wasn’t ready to end it.
If, by any small miracle, I were to find myself in her orbit once again, there was no telling what would happen. And if… the reason I walked out in the first place still existed, that would make things even more complicated.
“You should call her,” Tam nudged gently.
I shook my head and took a long, slow breath in, letting it out in just the same way. “I don’t know… I feel like Alex has so much going on with her sister, and work. I’ll just end up complicating things even more.”
Tamera leaned back, chin in the palm of her hand as she observed me carefully. “Devon, I’ve known you for a long time, and I’ve seen you work your way through tough situations. If you feel something for Alex, don’t let fear hold you back.”
“It isn’t fear,” I argued. “I just told you—everything with Jamie being-”
“It’s fear,” she cut me off, her eyes catching me in a deadlock.
I swallowed, knowing she was right.
“Communicate with her,” she went on. “Be open about what you’re feeling and see where it leads. Isn’t it worth the risk?”
That was a question I didn’t yet have the answer to. It felt like I was risking my heart by staying with Alex and her sister drama. But walking away got me heartbroken too, so what was the point? Tamera’s words struck a chord with me and I took a moment to contemplate them. Maybe she was right. Maybe taking a chance and reaching out to Alex was my next best move.
I couldn’t shake the nagging thought in the back of my mind, though.
“I was the one to make this decision,” I said with a sigh. “The distance is because of me.”
“But there’s a bridge,” Tam suggested sagely. “You’re feeling it, and I’m sure Alex does too. You guys aren’t totally cut off, moved on from each other. It’s like you’re caught in this weird limbo, and all it’ll take is one step in the right direction…”
