Page 131 of Not In The Contract
Katya stepped into the room, her gaze fixed on me with a mixture of curiosity and care. “It’s totally fine if you want to give the pizza a miss. I’ll get you something else?”
I knew what she was doing—trying to draw me out, to get me to open up about what was bothering me. But I could barely admit the complexities of my personal life to myself. Using my assistant as a makeshift therapist was out of the question.
I leaned back in my chair, feigning casualness. “Surprise me. I’m not feeling particularly picky today.”
Her eyes lingered on me for a moment longer before she nodded, her lips curving into a knowing smile. “Challenge accepted. I’ll make sure it’s something you can’t say no to.”
She left me with a knowing look, one that told me she didn’t miss anything, from the longer hours I’d been spending at the office to the barely picked on salad containers in my trash.
It wasn’t lost on me, either, her connection to Devon and how that could all be playing a part in this. I grimaced against the bitter taste of bile that rose in my throat. The thought that I’d be the topic of conversation between them made me feel uncomfortably exposed.
It was difficult not to imagine Katya on dates with Devon’s friend, who obviously had an insider’s take on what Devon was going through. Dinner discussion veering from the flirtatious to the concern for her best friend’s situation. It was even more difficult to ignore my growing need to know exactly what that was.
Devon and I hadn’t spoken since that last time, and I couldn’t help but wonder whether she missed me as much as I was missing her. Too many times had I pulled up her number on my phone and just… stared at it. Fingers frozen, useless in bridging the distance between us.
As I turned my attention back to my phone, contemplating the uncertainty ahead, I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe it was time to get over myself. To just send the text that would likely put me out of this misery. But wading through the weeds of uncertainty was a little too much, too soon. Especially with the very possible outcome being that I’d find Devon totally fine.
The phone pinged loudly in my hand, nearly causing me to drop it.
Jamie: Journal prompt kicking my ass. Looking forward to unpacking that later.
A heavy sigh filtered out of me as I read her text. Things had been going well with Jamie and me, surprisingly so. She was open and considerate in therapy, bringing her side of things like she said she would. We had two sessions a week and agreed to give each other space around that. It was difficult for her, I could tell. That was why I didn’t say anything about the random text updates she’d send through. It was her way of trying to give me what I wanted without feeling completely cut off.
I knew it was the right thing, and I knew I should feel good about this new rhythm Jamie and I were finding. But it didn’t stop the ache in my heart over Devon. That was the connection I felt lost without. It made me feel more than a little untethered through all this.
We could stop for dinner after?
I hit send without thinking too much about it. The thought of slinking back to my empty place afterward wasn’t all that appealing. Not anymore. And yes, it went against our deal to give each other space. But Jamie would jump at the opportunity to bend that rule for one night, which worked out for me.
Her response came through seconds later, as I knew it would, and I smiled as I opened the text.
Have plans. Sorry.
That was it. No ‘maybe some other time’ or long-winded explanation about why she couldn’t make it. My heart sank. For someone who used to pride herself on working well alone, I found myself flailing in this latest bout of loneliness.
Devon’s name jumped out at me, just a few contacts down the list. The temptation was too much to bear, and I opened the last text conversation. My eyes devoured her words like some sweet sustenance keeping me adrift. She was spending less time at the office, opting for email check-ins as she neared the end of her research. At first, I was grateful for the break. It was hard enough coming to terms with the fact that things were over between us. Having to see her around work all the time made it impossible to focus.
But now…
“Sit like that long enough and you’ll be a hunchback before you’re fifty.”
I straightened in my chair, quickly locking my phone and discarding it on my desk. Taylor smirked at me from my office door.
“Did you scale up the wall? I told security to block any middle-aged women wearing red lipstick and designer power suits.”
She gave a cheeky laugh and came to sit down opposite me, resting her purse in her lap. “Would’ve helped if you employed security who stood a chance against middle-aged women in red lipstick and power suits.”
It looked like there was a reason behind the unscheduled visit, but knowing Taylor, I wasn’t about to go digging. The reason was sure to unveil itself in due time.
“Katya’s bringing lunch, so you’re just in time.” I leaned back, folding my hands over my middle.
Surely that would give the impression that I was totally fine, and there was nothing going on with me. One would think.
“Devon?” Taylor motioned at my phone with a stiff nod, her lips curling up in a half-smile.
I glanced at the black screen between us and shook my head. “Jamie.”
Taylor’s eyebrows shot up. “It’s been a while.”
