Page 103 of Things We Never Said
‘No,’ Maggie says, averting her gaze by glancing back at the door again. A young woman is struggling her way through it with a pushchair. Maggie jumps up and crosses the café to help her.
‘So!’ she says, when she finally returns.
‘So,’ Sean repeats.
Maggie looks at him coyly.
‘DidCatherine get that wrong?’ Sean asks.
‘Um?’ Maggie says. ‘Oh ... well, of course she did.’
‘Oh, OK,’ Sean says, flatly.
‘Morphine,’ Maggie says, nodding knowingly. ‘That’s what’s on those tapes, Sean. I told you. Morphine.’
‘Right,’ Sean says, pulling a face. ‘Actually, don’t ... please. Don’t, you know ... reduce them to that.’
‘No,’ Maggie says. ‘No, I’m sorry.’
‘There was a lot of stuff on those tapes and some of it may have been a bit ... a bit wide of the mark, perhaps. But there was also a great deal of truth on them. They were quite amazing, actually.’
‘I’m sure,’ Maggie says. ‘I didn’t mean anything.’
Sean shakes his head sadly and sighs.
‘I didn’t mean to upset you, Sean. It’s just, well, that came out of left field, that’s all.’
‘It’s fine,’ Sean says. ‘Really. And it’s not you. It’s just ... regret. You know, there were so many things we never said to each other. So many opportunities wasted. And by the time Catherine put everything out there in the open ... well, it was too late, really.’
‘Too late for what?’
‘Too late for us to say the things we needed to say, I suppose.’
Maggie nods. She reaches across the table for Sean’s wrist. ‘Right,’ she says. ‘Well, that’s just human, isn’t it? We all have lots of things we should have said or could have said. Life’s all about what might have happened if, isn’t it? Because there are so many possibilities, aren’t there? So many different paths. But you only get to choose one.’
Suddenly self-conscious, she pulls her hand sharply back. ‘That was me comforting you, by the way,’ she says, in a professorial tone of voice. ‘Not me being in love with you. Not that at all. Just to be clear.’
‘Just to be clear,’ Sean repeats, grinning.
From that point on, the conversation becomes stilted, so they quickly finish their drinks and pull their coats back on.
Outside in the street, they hug rigidly and head off in different directions, Maggie towards the railway station and Sean towards the hospital. He has decided to move the car from the outrageously expensive hospital car park and look for a hotel room nearby. He suddenly feels incredibly tired. There’s been too much emotion for one day, and all he wants to do is find the nearest bed and collapse in it.
As he reaches the car, he hunts for the car keys in his pocket but finds, instead, the lump of rose quartz April gave him. He caresses it fondly, releases it and then pulls his keys from the other pocket. On hearing the clip-clop of heels behind him, he pauses and turns.
‘Sean!’
‘Maggie,’ Sean says, smiling lopsidedly. ‘Sorry, did you want a lift somewhere or ...?’
‘No,’ Maggie says, bending to put her hands on her knees and panting. ‘So unfit!’ she says, then breathlessly, ‘No, I wanted to ask you something.’
‘You did?’
‘Yes, what you asked me in the café,’ Maggie says, straightening.
‘Yes?’
‘Was there a reason?’
