Page 13 of Where Do We Go From Here?
‘Well, she did,’ I told him. ‘More or less. She said things are shockingly chilled since I left.’
‘Well, I’m sure that’s not what she meant,’ Harry said. ‘I’m sure she was trying to reassure you.’
‘Reassure me?’ I exclaimed. ‘About the fact that you’re all so much better off without me? That’s incredibly reassuring, Haz. That’s exactly what I needed to hear.’
‘No,’ Harry said. ‘And please don’t go off on one. Not when I’m trying to help.’
‘I am not going off on one. Don’t you start too!’
‘Look, I’m sure she was just trying to reassure you that we’re all OK. Despite everything that’s happening. Despite you having to stay at Jill’s… Despite the horrific news cycle we’re all constantly subjected to, we’re OK. And we all miss you like crazy. It’s hard.’
‘Do you?’ I asked. ‘Is it hard? Because she categorically did not say that. In fact she said very much the opposite.’
‘Yes, of course we miss you,’ Harry said. ‘The bed’s too cold without you.’ It was a lyric from a song we’d both liked many years before – a typical Harry attempt at mid-argument seduction, a strategy he used often to calm things down.
‘Cute,’ I said, signalling that I wasn’t buying it. ‘Funny guy.’
‘It actually is,’ Harry said. ‘It’s bloody freezing.’
‘The electric blanket’s in the cupboard,’ I told him. ‘You’re just too lazy to put it on.’
‘That’s probably true. I’ll look into it.’
‘Anyway, that’s not what she said, Harry. So please don’t have a go at me. She didn’t say you all miss me at all. What she said was that I’m always looking for fights and that things are super chilled now I’m not there toupset everyone.’
‘Yes,’ Harry said. ‘Well…’
I pulled a face at my mobile and waited for him to continue. I could sense he was going to dig himself deeper, quite possibly considerably deeper.
‘That’s kind of why I’m calling, actually,’ he said. ‘Because thingshavebeen fairly chilled. Which, when the world’s falling apart, is no mean feat.’
‘Congratulations,’ I said sourly. ‘You win the Single Father of the Year award.’
‘And I was wondering…’ Harry continued, wisely ignoring my jibe, ‘if you could cool it a bit. Just try not to wind them up when you see them. They’ve got a lot to deal with, too.’
‘God, it must be so awful for them,’ I said. ‘All that extra time they have to spend on the PlayStation.’
‘And she’s right,’ Harry said, ploughing on. ‘Everything has been really chilled. Until tonight.’
‘Which is my fault, obvs.’
‘Well, you saw Fiona and you argued with her, and she came home and shouted at me, and then had an argument with Todd, and now she’s upset and locked in her room. Which is the first time in ages that anyone in this house has raised their voice.’
‘When you say “in ages” you mean since I moved out.’
‘If you must put it that way,’ Harry said, ‘then, yes.’
A wave of anger rose within me that was so massive it choked my ability to speak. I couldn’t even begin to think of words which might express what I wanted to say. Beads of sweat prickled my brow.
‘You bring a lot of stress home with you from work and you tend to start dr?—’
I ended the call. My finger, as it hit the end call button, was shaking.
Harry phoned me back immediately. ‘I think we got cut off,’he said.
After a moment of silence, he added, ‘Unless… Did you just…? You didn’t hang up on me, did you? Because that would be very childish if it were the case. In fact that would be exactly the sort of th?—’
‘Oh do fuck off, Harry,’ I said, cutting him off before he went full-blown teacher on me. ‘Do go and fucking fuck right off.’ And then I ended the call again, feeling proud that this time I’d found exactly the right words to express myself.
