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W: OK.

H: So are we good? Did I pass the test?

W: I’m not sure. We’ll be in touch.

H: You’ll have your people get in touch with my people?

W: Something like that, Haz, yes.

H: So.

W: So… On to my next question.

H: Please don’t tell me there’s more?

W: Yes, I’m afraid there is. Though this one’s more about me than you.

H: Why? Areyouseeing someone?

W: No. Most definitely not. No, it’s just… Do you think I’m an alcoholic? Be honest. Be totally honest.

H: Oh, OK. Bit left of field and all that, butOK…

W: Because everyone else seems to think I am.

H: Define everyone else.

W: Fiona, Todd, my post lady.

H: Your post lady?

W: Yes. Just answer the question, will you?

H: If I’m being totally honest: I’m not sure.

W: You’re not sure?

H: No. I mean… I’m thinking about it now, and it’s a bit of a technical question, isn’t it? A bit of a medical one, really. And I’m not an expert. I don’t know the actual definition.

W: Right. OK. I see.

H: Will that do? As an answer, I mean?

W: I suppose. But it sounds like a cop-out.

H: I do think you drink too much, though. Actually, I don’t just think that. I know it. You definitely drink too much.

W: Define too much.

H: Erm, enough to make you… How can I put this politely?

W: I think we’re beyond politely, don’t you?

H: OK, then. Bombs away: your drinking has made you impossible to live with.

W: …

H: And now you’re pissed off with me. That’s the trouble with these total honesty situations. No one really wants honesty no matter how much they say they do.