Page 55 of Go Deep (A Bad Boy Sports Romance)
He stopped pacing and turned to look at me. “Are you in love with him?”
I took a moment to think about it before answering. “I have feelings for Slade, yes, but I don’t know about the in love part. It’s too soon.”
“Shit.” He pursed his lips and started pacing again.
“Shawn, I don’t see why that has to get in the way of our friendship. You and I are still friends, right? I mean, we can still be best friends even if I’m seeing your brother, can’t we? Why does that have to change?”
He shook his head. “Did you not hear the part where I told you I’m in love with you? Look, I can’t…I can’t be your best friend…not the way you want us to be, and not knowing that you chose Slade—my brother—over me. After everything we had, that you would choose him when it came down to it? I can’t handle it. I’m not okay with that.”
He put his hands in his pockets and returned the way we came, heading back towards the house.
I watched him walk away.
Nothing inside me thought to stop him, and I felt like crap for not doing that.
That was it. The end of our friendship, just because I was seeing his brother. It hurt to realize that the greatest love I’d ever known was so fragile that something like a romantic tryst could destroy it. He was gone with a piece of me that I didn’t think I’d get back. I stood there and watched it fade away, leaving me standing in the middle of an overgrown trail. I wanted to scream. I could cry and stomp my feet like I had when I was a child and didn’t get my way. I wished I could hide in the middle of the bushes and wait for all of this to be over. After a while, all I could wish for was for Slade to come find me and put his big quarterback arms around me and tell me it was going to be okay.
That’s when I knew the world had shifted on its axis and my life had forever changed. I was watching my best friend leave me, and all I could think about was how much I needed his brother to make it all better. And that was the reason my best friend was leaving me out in the middle of the bush.
I took a deep breath, telling myself I had to accept what had happened, and headed back up to my parents’ house. Life used to be so much easier when I thought Slade was a dick. If I had just left well enough alone, this would not have happened. But no, I had to go and sleep with the one person on earth who would change everything. I kept my eyes on Shawn’s house, expecting to see some sign that we would be all right in time, but there was nothing. In a couple of hours, he would be boarding a plane to take him back to Harvard. Slade, Miranda and I would be back on campus and returning to life as we’d known it for the last few years. It hit me that I wouldn’t have Shawn to call when there was news to share or when I needed to hear his voice. Or when I needed an ear. I wouldn’t have his phone calls to look forward to, unexpectedly coming in to make my day better.
That’s when I dropped to the ground and started sobbing my eyes out. A few weeks had been torture, and now I was looking at a life without him. And to think, all this time he’d been hiding his feelings for me. Maybe it would have made a difference if he’d told me before I slept with Slade. Or back in high school, before we decided on colleges. I could have followed him out there to study business so that I wouldn’t be so far away from him, stuck in Bayou central while he was off in the big city making something of his life.
Had there been signs all along? I never got to ask him when he started to feel this way about me. Everyone else thought we were a couple. Was I so clueless that I missed what was right in my face for years?
When the tears stopped falling, I got up, brushed myself off, and got home.
“How’d it go?” Miranda asked when I made it up to my room. She had her bags packed and placed at my door.
The bawling started again. “I think I just lost my best friend in the world,” I blubbered.
“I’m so sorry, Cassidy,” she told me, making me sit on the side of the bed. Which was a good idea because I had nothing left in me. I collapsed onto her shoulder. She didn’t judge me or side with me. She just held me and let me crumble.
“Just let it out,” she said, soothing me with her voice. “It’ll be all right.”
It was too soon to see it at the time, but I’d been so worried about the friend I was losing, I didn’t think about the friend I’d found. I sat up eventually and wiped my eyes. “I’m sorry about all that snot on your shoulder.”
She laughed hard. “Let’s get you packed up. We need to get back to school. It’ll be easier there.”
