Page 17 of Reckless
5
Gage
Water babbled below me, traveling on its endless journey beneath the bridge I stood on. Traveling to an unknown place quick, kind of like my mom.
I sat on the edge and swung my legs over, my feet swinging above the sun-dappled rippling. This river eventually met the ocean, it had to end at some point, but I didn’t want to think about that. I just wanted to imagine it running and running on forever.
The sun beat down on my shoulders, heating me up in my jacket. A light breeze blew, sending the chirping of birds to me from the trees in the distance. It was quiet, peaceful, the opposite of my hammering, angry brain.
New Hope was the opposite of New York City, where I’d kept an apartment the last few years. The sounds here were muted, the smells fresh, the sights green rather than gray. I’d almost forgotten what it was like to be in a place that worked with Mother Nature, rather than beat her back at every step. It made me feel guilty for my determination to keep away. I never had visited Mom, but sent for her, brought her to me when we visited.
That wasn’t enough. I should have done so much more. Now, I’d run out of time.
The obnoxious sound of my cell ringing shattered the solitude.
I grabbed it from my pocket, needing to put an end to the interruption. Already, the birds had stopped their singing. I hit the answer button quickly, not bothering to look at the number on the screen. “Hello?”
I half expected it to be the hospital calling me to come back in, despite my mother sending me away for the afternoon because “my sadness was getting on her nerves,” so the voice on the other end was a surprise.
“Gage, how you doin’, man?”
“Hey, Andy.” I rubbed my eyes hard, trying to find some much needed inner strength. “I’m…well, it isn’t great. I’m sorry, Ron must be losing his shit.”
“He isn’t, don’t worry about that. The next few tour dates have already been postponed. We don’t expect you to rush back. Family comes first. Speaking of, how is your mom?”
I sighed, not wanting to say the words aloud. “It isn’t good. She’s got…” I blew out another deep breath of hot air. “She’s got pancreatic cancer, and the prognosis is shit.”
Andy remained silent on the other end of the line for a long moment. “Oh god, I’m sorry, Gage.”
I bit back the tears, refused to let them fall. “Yeah…”
“I know how close you two are. Is there anything I can do? Anythingwecan do? I know the other guys want to do whatever they can to help out.”
“Thanks, but there isn’t really, other than keep Ron at bay.” We shared a mutual half-laugh at that. “I just wasn’t expecting this…”
It wasn’t just Mom pulling at my heart. It was Kelly now too. It made part of me want to make my excuses and run, move Mom to a New York hospital and never come back. The urge only lasted a brief second, but the desperation to race back to Gaged,to lose myself in the music and partying lifestyle almost overwhelmed me. Ron would be happy, it’d be easier for the boys, and we wouldn’t be disappointing thousands of fans.
And I wouldn’t hurt Kelly. Or be hurt by her again.
I jumped to my feet, submitting to the urge to pace if I wasn’t going to run.
Andy must have sensed my frustration because he asked, “Is there something else bothering you? Have you seen…?”
“Briefly.” I slowed my pace, changing the subject. “I definitely think I need to stay here with Mom. She shouldn’t be alone.”
“We can come visit if—”
“No, thank you.” I didn’t mean for the words to come out quite so sharp, but I couldn’t hack the boys right now. And I didn’t want them anywhere near the sparks Kelly and I were throwing. So far, I’d kept my two lives separate, and I wasn’t ready to merge them. “I appreciate it, but I need to just focus.”
“Okay, but you will call me if you need anything? We want to do anything we can.”
“Thank you, Andy. Tell the guys thanks, I appreciate it.”
“Give my love to your mom. In fact, do that for all of us. I’ll sort everything out on this end.”
I remembered then that we were supposed to play on one of the late-night talk shows Friday night. “The media appearances.”
“Don’t worry about that. We’ll sort it. Ron will reschedule what he can and cancel anything we can’t do without you. Everyone has a mother, so everyone understands how difficult this must be. Honestly, Gage, I know it can be hard for you to take it easy but just try to relax and be with your mom.”
