Page 57 of Reckless
18
Kelly
Mom stood close by my side on Babs’s front porch as a nurse that I knew Gage had hired opened the door. I steeled myself. This should’ve been easy for me. I’d chosen a job that dealt with life-threatening situations and death every single day, but this was different. Babs had been like a second mom to me.
The nurse sitting at Bab’s bedside—Gage had hired twenty-four-seven hospice nurses—stood, a friendly expression on her face, but still, my hands trembled.
I looked at Mom anxiously, afraid seeing Babs now would send her into a downward spiral. But her face was calm, her demeanor poised.
“Well, hello again, Babs,” Mom said in a hushed voice, eyes welling before she blinked back the tears. In the six days since being released from the hospital, Babs had quickly grown so frail, and the light was beginning to dim in her eyes, though she still had her spunk. I had a feeling that would take her all the way to the end. “Hey, it’s me, Marie.”
Babs’s expression became one of recognition, and I held back in the doorway while Mom joined her, and they shared a hushed conversation. I stood there awkwardly, thinking back to what Babs had said that night at the hospital. About how Mom was more self-reliant than I thought.
I cocked my head, watching what was not an awkward greeting, but one of old friends. Mom had come to pay her respects, to say goodbye. I had to do it too, I couldn’t let Babs go without saying goodbye, but I’d have to work up the courage somehow. I had enough regrets in my life, I didn’t want more. I would give anything to have been given the chance to say farewell to Dad and Stephen. To tell them I was sorry.
“Are you okay, miss?” the nurse asked me. “Do you need anything?”
She had to be in her late teens, maybe twenty. I wondered how she managed to do this job all the time and still keep that smile on her face. Then again, I knew people said the same about hospital nursing.
“I’m okay, thank you.”
“She’s a lovely woman, Babs, isn’t she?”
“Oh, she sure is. Is her son around today?”
“He was here earlier. He’s always here, Babs is lucky to have him. We get so many people who don’t have anyone to visit them at the end.”
I nodded and wondered if I should call him. We hadn’t spoken much since Babs was brought home, but he’d been busy, which of course, I totally understood. He’d come back to New Hope to look after his mother, not for me.
“Kelly!” Mom suddenly seemed to realize that I’d been standing by myself. “Get over here.”
I moved toward Babs, realizing as I got closer that the dimness of the room had masked her deterioration. It wouldn’t be long now.
I made myself smile as I took a seat beside her bed, even though my heart was breaking in half in my chest. An intense panic tried to grip me, and I dug my fingernails into my palm, forcing long, slow breaths into my lungs.
“Hey, Babs,” I managed.
“Hello, dear.” She spoke much quieter than usual, as if each word pained her. “It’s good to see you. I’ve missed seeing your face…every day, like at the hospital.”
“I’m sorry, I should’ve come before. I’ve just been so busy with work.”
“No, I understand.” She reached out, and I took her cold hand in mine. “I’ve had Gage and a constant string of visitors. I’ve been fine.”
“Good, good.” I tried to shake off the guilt, to just focus on her.
“It’s nice being home, but I do miss all the hospital staff. Particularly you, of course, and Millie as well. She’s got two teenage boys, so we shared a lot of war stories while I was there. Lots of fun.” She gave me a weak smile.
“Yeah, Millie’s great.”
“Where is Gage now?” Mom asked. “I thought he might be here.”
“He is all the time. I had to force him to go out for a while, to get some air. He was about to drop on the floor, he’s so exhausted. He can’t seem to bear to leave my side for a moment.”
She didn’t sayin case I die while he’s gone, but the implication hung in the air.
“Aw, he’s a good man, isn’t he?” my mom said. “He’s too famous for the world now, but he still has time for his mom.”
“Yeah, I’m lucky. He’s a great boy. It’s just a shame we never ended up in-laws.”
