Page 106 of New Growth
He looked at me for a long moment before shaking his head—not out of judgment, more like quiet disbelief. Like he couldn’t wrap his mind around still showing up for someone who’d made you feel so small.
But I didn’t explain further. I didn’t need to. He got it—even if he didn’t fully agree.
And that was enough.
Dinner wrapped up in silence.
He paid the bill without a word, and we drove back to my place with nothing but the low hum of the radio between us. The usual ease ofthe effortless back-and-forth we always shared had been replaced by a thick, uncomfortable quiet.
It sat between us like a third passenger.
When he finally pulled up outside my house, I reached for the door handle, but my fingers just hovered there.
I hadn’t slept at home in days.
El must’ve noticed the hesitation because before I could say anything, his voice cut through the silence gently.
“Elliot,” he said softly. The way he used my full name made my chest ache. “I understand completely why you feel weird about our friendship. It’s not… conventional. Not in the slightest. But it works for us. We’re not hurting anyone. No one’s holding a gun to your head.”
He paused for a moment. “We’re both grown. We get to choose where we lay our heads at night.”
I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t. If I turned to meet his eyes, all of this would unravel, and I’d end up in his bed again. My resolve would dissolve the same way it always did with him.
He noticed. Of course, he did.
When I didn’t move, his hand came to rest gently on my knee. The warmth of it seeped through the fabric of my dress, grounding and disarming all at once.
“If this is really what you want,” he said, voice low, “I’ll respect it. But don’t do it because you feel obligated. Or guilty. You don’t owe anyone anything, Peanut.”
The way he said it made me want to stay. Just based on tone alone, I could’ve folded. It was the very embodiment of safety.
Still, I took a slow breath, swallowed the lump forming in my throat, and pushed the door open.
“Will you send a car for me tomorrow?” I asked.
El let out a slow sigh, the kind that saidI don’t like this, but I’ll do it anyway.
“Yeah. It’ll be there by eight.”
I finally looked back at him, just for a second.
“Thanks, Puddin’.”
That earned the smallest smile from him—one that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Let me walk you up.”
We stepped out of the car, and I felt his gaze as I made my way up the driveway while he followed close behind. At my front door, I hesitatedjust long enough for the silence to stretch. Then, with a small breath, I turned the key and pushed it open.
“I’ll miss you tonight,” he said.
The words hit me square in the chest. My stomach fluttered, heat blooming low in my belly before it pulsed between my thighs. I paused at the threshold, fingers still curled around the doorknob.
How could a simple statement cause my body to heat up?
He must’ve noticed the shift in my breathing, the sudden stillness in my body because he kept going, voice low and coaxing.
“I don’t know how I’ll sleep without you.”
