Page 77 of Christmas Crisis
But now that this had happened twice, I had questions.
As with all things, the internet had answers.
Lots of conflicting ones, but I could confirm that it was normal for asexuals to experience moments of high libido, or even attraction. Everyone was different.
Leo having a fever sex dream about me didn’t mean he wanted to ravish me in real life. If he wanted that, he would have toldme, right? I’d been honest with him from the beginning that I would have been open to something more than friendship, if it were an option.
But I knew it wasn’t.
As good as it felt to have Leo’s arms around me, it wasn’t a smart idea to wish it could be more than it was. Leo had stated plainly that he wasn’t attracted to anyone, including me, and I owed it to him to respect that.
And as much as Leo was my best friend, I’d been dating Stone for the past year. And hadn’t I just spent two months deciding that I wanted to attempt to salvage that relationship?
There was an intensity with Leo, but there was a simplicity with Stone. And despite all the current misgivings I had about our relationship, one thing I never questioned was his affection for me. I knew Stone wanted me. Not because of random erections we couldn’t talk about, but because he told me so unequivocally.
Not to mention, I liked what Leo and I had as best friends. I didn’t want to fuck it up. It was raw, and real, and worth protecting.
By the time I got on the plane to Los Angeles, after spending most of the two days alone in Leo’s guest room with a supposed bug, I’d fully settled it in my mind.
Nothing had changed. My priority was settling things with Stone, hopefully before the end-of-the-year deadline I’d given him. The memories of Leo rubbing against my ass would stay just that—memories. Buried deep in my brain.
As if the universe wanted to give its stamp of approval, I arrived home to find Stone standing in my living room, flowers in one hand and a bag from our favorite burrito place in the other.
I literally leaped into his arms.
He kissed me soundly, doing his best to put the food and roses down on the table as I wrapped my legs around his middle.
Pulling one of my hands from his waist, he kissed my wrist. “I only have thirty-six hours,” he said sheepishly. “But I wanted to be here when you got home.”
“I’m glad.” I tried to get down, but he held me firm.
“This is the best welcome I could have imagined, Miranda. After how mad you were, and the way our last few conversations have gone, I wasn’t sure—”
“It’s okay, Stone,” I cut him off. “I’m taking a wait-and-see approach, but I’m not giving up on us. If you haven’t broken up publicly with Naomi by New Year’s, we’re done. But until then, I don’t want to fight with you.”
He nodded. “Breaking up won’t be a problem.”
I leaned in to peck him on the lips again. He really was trying. I knew how busy he was with the movie still being in theaters.
“Miranda, you know I lo—”
I slapped my hand across his mouth. Nope. That was an extra complication I didn’t need. “Stone, don’t. Not yet.”
He looked sad but nodded.
Stone couldn’t love me. There was no way. We’d never had the chance to truly be together. Surely he realized that?
Or maybe I was the one who was wrong? Plenty of people in secret relationships genuinely loved each other. I mean, I assumed they did. I didn’t know anyone else in this situation, but it seemed plausible. Couples in long-distance relationships certainly made it work.
But in my heart, I knew that the problem with Stone wasn’t the distance. Or the secrecy. Or Naomi. It was about the fact that I was waiting to feel for him what I felt for Leo. That was my measure of what “in love” should feel like.
Stone went into my bedroom to “wash off the plane smell.” I sat on my bed, watching him soap up his phenomenal bodythrough the glass shower door. Willing myself to feel more than I did.
Chapter twenty-two
Miranda
NOW
