Page 44 of A SEAL's Heart
It’s not how I wanted this to pan out. But it’s better we end this now than before it goes too far and we develop feelings for each other.
Too late, my heart whispers. I form a fist and thump it against the windowpane. I wasn’t supposed to catch feelings for Jake’s little sister. That’s the last thing he would want.
But the last few days have hit me with the reality. I love her. I love Avery for her compassion and kindness and the way she looks at me like I matter in this world.
But if I think of a future with Avery, my mind comes up a big blank.
I bet she wants kids and a nice home, and those are two things I know nothing about. I don’t know how to be a father. I don’t know how to stick around. I don’t know how to give her the things she deserves.
You could try, my heart whispers.
My foot nudges the box of VHS tapes.
What if I tried and failed? What if I stuck around and gave Avery the things she wants and then couldn’t hack it? Like my mom couldn’t, let alone my father, whoever he was. What if I can’t handle the life Avery wants? All I’ll do is let her down in the end. It’s better that I leave now than leave later when there are kids involved.
The thought of Avery carrying my baby makes me ache in ways I’ve never felt before.
I never thought about having kids. I’m not father material. I never had one, and I don’t know how to be one. I never had a parent full stop. I have no right wanting things like that for myself.
I punch the window frame with my fist. It’s better this way. It’s better I leave now before things go too far.
Besides the fact that I’m responsible for her brother’s death, there are far too many reasons why I need to get the hell away from Avery Monroe.
I don’t belong in Avery’s world with her loving family. Jake left me the house because he knew I’d sell it and do good with the money. It will go towards the veteran’s center, all of it. That’s what Jake would want.
I jangle my keys in my pocket as I walk across the atrium of the medical center to the speech therapy rooms. I’ve written a note out to Avery explaining why I didn’t tell her about my plans to sell the house and leave.
To be honest, I have no good excuse. I didn’t tell her because I tried to fool myself into thinking it didn’t matter. I tried to fool myself that we were having a casual thing, and when it ended we’d thank each other for the good times and wave goodbye.
But she’s right. I’m a coward. I should have told her I was leaving. I just hope she understands why I have to leave.
I push the button and wait in the corridor with my foot tapping against the linoleum floor. I’m holding my breath expecting Avery, but it’s a different woman who comes out to buzz me through. She looks at me sternly, and I wonder what Avery’s told her.
“Mr. Turner. I’ll be taking over your treatment from now on.”
I frown at her and try to form Avery’s name. It comes out at a gargle, but she seems to know what I’m asking.
“Don’t worry, Miss Monroe has passed your file onto me and briefed me on your treatment plan. It seems you’re making good progress.”
I follow her down the corridor and past Avery’s room. The door remains closed, and I slip the note out of my pocket and slide it under the door.
Avery’s not returning my texts, but she won’t ignore a handwritten note.
An hour later I’m sitting opposite Joel in the cafe, working through the final details of how the auction will run in a few days.
The items are on display in the back room of The Landing, and we’ll run the auction from the bar on Thursday.
There are flyers up all around town, and his daughter has been posting in the local social media groups. We’re expecting a good turnout.
“It should raise us the funds we need to finish the rebuild.” Joel sips his coffee. “The demolition work is almost done, but I need laborers to help with the build.”
I shake my head and write on my notepad.
I’m leaving town after the auction.
I was going to wait until the house sold, but there’s no point in prolonging my stay here. It’s best I get away from Avery and the sooner the better.
Joel frowns. “So soon? How about the therapy?”
