Page 212 of The Perfect Spiral
I can’t feel any emotion. As much as I’d like to say that I don’t care, I do. It’s raw. Drained because of my own thoughts.
I know he’s here, in this room, but I don’t want to look around. I feel my mom’s arms wrap around me from behind as soon as Kyle sets me back down on the floor.
I feel her lips rest on the back of my head and she whispers, “I love you,” making me close my eyes. I have no energy.
“Oh, so glad you’re home, Alex! You had everyone worried—” Lauren’s tone makes me tense and I swallow hard, restraining myself from smashing a glass over her cosmetically enhanced face.
“Knox and I have an announcement we’ve got to make—” “Now isn’t the time, Lauren,” hearing that voice makes my fists ball up and I feel my mom’s hands cover them to calm me down.
She whispers, “I know, baby,” in her motherly tone. I feel protected with her around. I slowly unclench my fists and exhale deeply, still not facing them. At least I now know where not to look.
“Why? I think it’s perfect, everyone is here! So, Knox and I decided to get back together. For good.” It feels like a freight train has hit me, showing no mercy.
“What?” The questioning tone of the voices behind me is loud, almost accusing. I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces, crumbling to the ground from her hand.
I close my eyes, trying to picture a place better than here. Anywhere but here. I don’t know why, but this feels worse than when I ended things with Drew. A million times worse.
Turning around, I kiss my mom’s cheek for the first time, aware of the eyes on me. “I’m going to sleep,” is all I manage to say before leaving the room, leaving behind the people who stayed up to ensure I made it home.
I push the door open and let it fall shut behind me with a thud. As I make my way up the stairs to my room, no one follows. I’m grateful for the space.
Once inside my room, I lock the door, peel off my clothes layer by layer, and drag myself into the shower. I turn up the heat, letting the hot water trickle down my body, turning my skin a shade of pink.
Dipping my head under the water, I wash my body with my favorite coconut-scented body wash. I scrub my hair thoroughly, ridding it of any grass or possible twigs.
After my shower, I step out into my room wrapped in a towel. Seeing his jersey on my bed makes me sick, so I toss it onto the floor and pull on my NYPD top again.
I wrap a towel around my hair to help it dry faster and glance at the messages on my phone.
Thirteen missed calls from Sam.
Six missed calls from Tyson.
Twenty-two missed calls from Mom.
Forty-seven missed calls from... him.
I read through everyone’s messages but his, until I finally give in and decide to read them. Knox
I’m sorry baby doll. I hate myself.
Knox
please let me know you’re alright.
Knox
just one message Alex please.
Knox
Let me know you’re safe baby doll.
Knox
I’ll be waiting for you when you come back!
Knox
