Page 28 of Border Control
I turn on my heels to leave when the doorway fills with broad-shouldered purple scales, blocking the sunlight.
“Law-rah.” Dom takes a few steps inside, towering over me. He is huge, pure muscle in utterly alien colors, and he could easily fold me in half.
He gets down on his knees and, while I'm trying to suss him out and keep my distance, it does make my heart skip a little.
He glances up at me. “Am I late? I did not know what time it was, so I’ve been coming back and forth.”
Aw, cute. “You're not very late. I did wonder if you were going to show up, whether you were interested.”
“I…” He swallows hard, but he doesn't say more.
I help him out. “I want to talk to you because it seemed like you really got something out of the whipping yesterday. Is that… something you need?”
He stares at me, scales turning a shocked pale pink. I squat down to his level, balancing on my heels the same careful way I choose my words. The conversation with Nicole really helped me lean into what to say next. “I want you to be honest with me. If it's part of your training or internal drive, I'd be interested to know.”
“It's…” His scales go hot pink on his cheeks, flushing all the way down his chest. It's adorable. “It’s partly a Parthiastock trait, partly… mine. We must be punished if we transgress, but… I need punishment, I crave it. When the veralash hits, when I'm struggling or think I cannot endure something, I feel…” His hands open and flex again, like he's groping for an answer.
“Peace,” I offer. “Complete. Like the world’s gone still or you're utterly centered.”
“Yes!” His eager grin pings at my heart. “Is this a human thing also?”
I think of the S and M side of BDSM. “Not for all humans, and not for me. But I want to understand what’s driving you to do that, and help you find another way. Meanwhile, I'm grown enough to ask for what I want. Here’s how I see it: we can explore, together, how you respond to a little control play. We'll explore each other’s bodies and what makes us feel good.”
My heart’s beating hard as I lay out so much in front of him, the most personal briefing notes I’ve ever presented. It’s not everything, of course, but enough of my raw underbelly to make me cringe and, at the same time, soar.
This must be what it’s like to go tightrope walking or sky diving or some other high adrenaline stuff. Yet all I'm asking for is what I want in bed, so to speak. We're both consenting adults. Shouldn't be this hard.
But I still have to derisk it. As I stand up, I hold up a finger. “I don’t mix friends and relationships. Ever. So before we talk more, I want your solemn promise you won't tell anyone.”
Dom slams both fists into his chest with a solid smack. “I swear on my life, Law-rah, I will never tell, not even under pain of death.”
The alien is utterly sincere. “A promise is enough. We don’t need a countersigned contract.” Although I’m setting this out like I’m about to draft a memorandum of understanding. It’s like adding a set of safety lines to that tightrope.
Purple eyes don't look away from mine. Basking in his attention makes a thrill race through my core at how he’s attuned to every word, soaking it into his skin.
I tell him and myself, “First things first, if you want—and it’s a hundred percent your choice—I'm up for exploring this with you. I think we'd both enjoy it. I have some rules, but mostly, we'd have fun together and just play. What do you think?”
He lifts his head, eyes wide, like he can't believe what he just heard. “I will do anything you order me to, Law-rah.”
Heart jumping, I rein myself in. This might be a lost in translation moment. “I'm not ordering you right now, I'maskingyou. There's a difference, and it's important. I want your willing consent, not you thinking you don’t have a choice.”
The big alien blinks at me slowly. “Just so I understand, I can tell you… no?” He winces as he voices the last word, as if it pains him to say it.
“Of course. I have boundaries too, and we'll talk about all that before we… play.” A thousand less-than-innocent shames make my cheeks heat. Come on, Laura, you’re a grown adult. “We bothhave to be comfortable each and every time we meet up, but first, I want us to be happy with the overall arrangement.”
“I… I want to. I… truly do.” He bows his head.
I wait for him to form his thoughts into words, but his tone doesn’t sound great. Kind of a “It’s not you, it’s me,” vibe.
“In the end, I have my duty, and what I want doesn't matter.” He lifts his head to meet my gaze with his intense amethyst eyes. “I cannot form a mate bond with you, Law-rah,” he pronounces, like it’s my sentence from the judge at the bench.
Hm. At least he's able to tell me no, so he feels free. He says he’s interested, but he looks disappointed. Perhaps some semantics are needed here.
I cock my head. “I accept that, but I just want to check something. Define mate bond.”
His eyes never leave mine. “A deep connection to another person, your mate. You live only for them and separation is unfathomable.”
“Ah, you mean something like going steady? Possibly even marriage.” I pace behind him, breathing slowly, inhaling a mixture of his grassy scents and something deeper.
