Page 56 of Operation Rescue
Did he…still? Was it even possible, after what she’d done, that he could still feel that powerful pull, that feeling that this connection was not just inevitable but unbreakable?
But you broke it.
The words she’d said to herself so many times rang in her head yet again, but for a different reason now. Because now she knew it wasn’t completely true. She may have broken them, but she hadn’t broken that spell, that connection, at least on her end. Because it was pulling at her as strongly now as it ever had. Just looking into those eyes of his, and remembering how it once had been, was enough to swamp her.
As they got into her car she didn’t say much because her brain was spinning, analyzing that momentous decision she’d made as she hadn’t done in a very long time.
She knew she wasn’t incapable, or helpless. She’d accomplished a lot. She’d built a business, bought a home, and even with Blaine’s extra financial help it hadn’t been easy. And now she’d gotten to the point where she didn’t need that extra cushion anymore, and she was proud of that.
There was only one area of her life where she had truly failed, and that was the day she’d run. She’d considered it a seriously-thought-out decision then; in fact she’d believed it not just the smartest choice but her only choice. And she’d done her best to build a sane, steady life for herself and for Ethan.
And how’d that work out?
She winced inwardly. But she had to face it. How sane and steady could any life be when it was built on the rubble of what had once been a firm foundation? Obviously not steady enough, because here they were, out here searching for her not-so-little-anymore boy, who had found the life she’d built—she’d thought for both of them—so intolerable he’d run away.
“Maybe,” Blaine said as she drove toward their area on the map, “once Ethan’s home and safe and all that’s worked out, we could…talk.”
She shot him a sideways glance. He’d ever been the doer, not the talker. For him to actually suggest it, especially with the import that pause gave it, warned her he was quite serious.
He probably still didn’t understand why she’d done it. She wasn’t sure she herself completely understood anymore. But it was easy to think that now, when he was here beside her, strong, well and looking as damned sexy as ever. When he’d been bloodied, broken and hooked up to machines, not so much.
“Maybe,” she said neutrally, not looking at him, pretending to be searching for a parking place when she’d already spotted one up ahead. Thankfully, he let it drop.
It felt strange, walking elbow to elbow with him down the street. Time was they would have done it holding hands, or with his arm over her shoulder and hers around his waist. Unlike some, he’d had no qualms about such public displays; he was hers and she was his, he used to say, and he didn’t care who knew it. Her oldest friends had told her how lucky she was, and she’d agreed.
She had never told them about the awful, long nights spent alone when he was deployed. That was something only to be shared with fellow military spouses who would understand what it was like to have the worst possibilities hovering over their heads at all times.
She’d just been one of the unlucky ones who’d had it come true.
As always, she silently chastised herself, because what she’d gone through had been nothing compared to what Blaine had gone through. And yet here he was, strolling along as if it had never happened, as if he were back in that time before, as if—
No, he wasn’t. Because he’d never been this tense before. She’d heard the phrase “high alert” many times, but never had it been more personified than in the man beside her right now. His head was rarely still, and his eyes never were. He was constantly scanning, looking, searching.
They were headed back the way they’d come, although on the opposite side of the street, still with no sign of anyone familiar, either personally or from that video. It appeared this had been a useless effort.
She wondered what Ethan would do, if he saw them. She knew Blaine had been right—he’d be stunned to see them together. He’d likely want to avoid her, but surely the temptation of his father would overcome that? Surely—
She cut off her own thoughts with a heavy sigh. “You’re right.”
“It happens,” he said evenly.
“In trying to save Ethan from horrendous pain, I’ve just driven him away.”
She felt his gaze on her, could see him thinking, as if he were considering whether to say something or not.
“Please, say it,” she said. “If we can’t be honest now, then when?”
He grimaced slightly. “It’s just something I’ve wondered now and then. Since you left, I mean.”
“Go ahead. I can’t feel much worse than I do already.”
“I don’t mean to make it worse—”
He broke off as that distinctive sound Rafe had played for them sounded from two different locations, his jacket pocket and the small purse she had slung over her shoulder.
He got to his first and answered. “We’re both here, go ahead.”
He held it out so she could also hear, although she had to lean in to do it. She got it, this might be something they didn’t want the world to hear on speaker, but being essentially head-to-head with him set her pulse jumping again.
