Page 126 of Lucky Boys
“Well I can tell you one thing, he’s not going back to the fucking Convington’s.” I growled, “I have a few things in works on that front that will hopefully put them in the position that they couldn’t try to go after him even if they wanted to. They may not have been involved in the murder, or what happened to Matty, but they’re far from innocent. With all the proof I had no of extortion, fraud, and embezzlement, both Michelle and Lewis should go away for a while.”
Brooks leaned into me slightly. “That’s good. I wanted to promise him that he could stay here, but that’s not really my place. I mean, this isn’t even my home. I just forget that sometimes.”
I stopped dead in my tracks, making Brooks stumble. “What—” he didn’t get to finish his sentence because I was pushing him up against the wall, ignoring the tinge in my ribs. My fingers curled into his hair holding him in place.
“What do you mean this isn’t your home?”
Brooks pupils were already blown, and I didn’t need to look down to know he was affected by my actions. But even turned on, he wasn’t backing down. “I don’t live here Luca, remember,” his words filled with venom.
I flinched. Luca. Not sir. “We’re only here because it isn’t safe elsewhere, plus our home was destroyed.” He added, breaking me even more.
I…was reeling. Didn’t he realize he lived here now? That this was his home? Both his and Diego’s. Unless…they didn’t want to.
I released his hair but couldn’t bring myself to step away. “Is that what you want? To live apart from us?”
Brooks lips parted. “What else would we do? We came here because of an emergency, it wasn’t ever supposed to be permanent.”
I finally did back off then as I reanalyzed everything that happened since Brooks walked through the doors. Did I never say I wanted him here? And Diego? I must have. But no? I thought it a million times, and I told him he was my boyfriend, but never once out loud did I ask Brooks or Diego to move here and become part of our team and our family.
“We talked about a D/s dynamic.” I told him faintly, reaching for straws.
Brooks rolled his eyes. Something I would love to punish him for, but I had no idea if I had the right to do so.
“Yeah, but nothing ever came from that. We never set rules or a routine and I never really knew what the expectations were once we were home.” I thought about all the times Brooks asked if we could iron out the details, at least get some basic rules and expectations down, and I pushed him away. Later. It was always fucking later. He had probably been reeling, in a new country, away from his support system, in a new relationship, and I just kept brushing him off. Every time I thought I finally had a grasp on all my failures, more kept hitting me in the fucking face with the speed of an MLB pitcher’s fast ball.
I must’ve looked some sort of way, because Brooks added, “I get we were busy and always in a crisis. I’m not complaining, I just. I just didn’t really know what to expect.”
I scrubbed my face. “Okay, I think we need to start from scratch. Let’s go in the bedroom. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.”
Brooks trailed behind me but still followed. I closed the door behind us and gestured for him to sit on the bed.
He remained on the edge, back straight, as he fiddled with his bracelets.
I grabbed my desk chair and rolled it so it was directly in front of him and sat down.
“So, clearly I fucked up somewhere. Which, I knew, but I think it was even bigger than I thought. First thing first, as far as me and the other guys are concerned, you and Diego are part of this family now. We all would very much like if you came and lived here permanently. I want you to make your spaces your own and feel like this is your house as much as everyone else’s.” I took a deep breath forcing myself to say the rest of it, “Of course, I understand if either of you or both of you rather move out. I hope you don’t, but I’d get it. Just know this will always be your home, even if you don’t make it your permanent residence.”
Brooks lips twitched but all he said was, “Okay.” Okay? What the fuck did that even mean? I wanted to demand more but stopped myself. Not yet. Besides he probably had to talk to Diego first. It went without saying that wherever one went, so did the other, so wherever Diego felt the most comfortable would be where they ended up. I just had to make sure this was that place.
“Brooks, I fucked this whole thing. A lot.” I may as well just come out and say it, especially if he wasn’t going to give me any feedback.
“Really from when it all started years ago, I kept fucking it up. I promised you I was all in, that I wanted this, then I continued to let you down, to let all my men down. And yeah, the job was crazy, but we were all busy and I was the only one who holed myself up and shut all of you out. I talked this big game about starting a nearly full time D/s dynamic with you and then didn’t do shit with it. Then kept using the excuse that we had work. That wasn’t fair to you at all. I was supposed to be proving to you that I wouldn’t walk away again, and I did the exact opposite. I’m sorry Brooks. I don’t deserve it, but I really hope you give me another chance.”
Brooks was quiet for so fucking long, I thought I was going to explode. He just sat staring at the comforter and fiddling with his bracelets to the point where I wanted to snatch his hands away from each other and force him to stop doing it.
Wait. That’s exactly what I should do. Words were nothing, especially coming from me. He needed to see proof. It wasn’t enough, but it was a start. I circled his wrist with my hand, stilling him.
“What are you doing?” He asked. He didn’t stop me or resist.
“I’m doing what I should’ve done from the beginning. You’re mine, Brooks. I said it before and bungled it. It’s time for me to put my actions where my mouth is.”
I grabbed Brooks other wrist and pinned them to the side. I would love to have pushed him to the bed, to pin his hands above his head, but even this had my ribs aching. Thankfully Brooks really wasn’t fighting back, because he’d probably win.
“So, holding my arms hostage is how you decided to do it?”
“Smart ass.” I grinned, letting my feral side out. “No. You fidget like that when you’re nervous or overstimulated. It’s my job to help with that.”
