Page 47 of Script
Cameron
Well,that was always ominous.
It felt really bad to be on this end of those four famous words.
I’d not been dumped before. Never. Simply because I always hit the bricks before anyone could form an attachment. Now, I knew why I’d booked after each hookup. This feeling sucked.
“Sure, yeah, we can talk,” I replied trying to sound as cool as possible on the outside. Inside, I could feel my heart cracking.Damn it. I should have stuck to my guns and not allowed myself to fall for this man. Everyone knew you didn’t skate when the weather turned warm, and the ice got thin. This was why. Now, I had to sit down on the home bench, smile, and pretend that him saying we had to call it quits was hunky and fucking dory with me. “Let’s sit.”
He nodded, his hair glowing like ingots under the rather harsh lights of the rink. Every push to the bench felt like a step to the gallows.
We went over the boards, just as I had taught him, and settled down on the cold, hard bench. I placed my stick over my lap, worked up all the intestinal fortitude that I had, and looked his way. Both of us had removed our skates, then tied our sneakers. Yes, I was stalling. Big. Time.
He smiled at me. A soft, fluffy kind of tender uplifting of his sweet lips that didn’t sit right with what he was about to do. Was it proper protocol to dump someone while smiling at them? That seemed cruel.
“So, I had some time to think.”
“Uh-huh.” I began fiddling with the tape on my stick. Scraping a nail along the edge until I got a corner loose, then picked at it as I stared at Finn. “Thinking is good.”
“Yeah, for sure. It’s also pretty scary when you’re thinking of big stuff.”
Shit. Yep, here it came. This was when he was going to explain that he enjoyed our side benefits, but it was time to call it quits. After all, he needed to focus on the movie, I could feel it. He’d learned quickly and there wasn’t much more for me to teach him. His skating was good enough for a movie—and his checking skills were much improved. My ass could testify to that, as he’d knocked me to my rump during a heated scrabble over the puck in the corner. Afterwards, he had kissed it better. Then fucked it better. Damn it. I was going to miss his kisses…
“… had to really go through some stuff to get to the realization that I am stupid in love with you.”
It took a moment for the words to soak into my medulla or frontal lobe or whatever part of the brain dealt with wild emotional shit.
“You what?” I asked because my head was still back on the ass-kissing for some reason. “I didn’t hear you because I was recalling how well you dicked me.”
He grinned the grin of a man who knew he had fucked his man well and thoroughly. “Yeah, I did dick you pretty damn well.”
“You said you love me,” I said, the sticky underbelly of my tape had left my fingers tacky. “Did I hear you say that?”
“You did. I said it. Are you freaking out? You look like you’re freaking out.” He bit down on his lower lip, big blue eyes filled with horror, fingers gripping the edge of his jersey.
“I’m not… no, not freaking out. Well, sort of, but not because you said you… love me.” He looked dubious. I gently removed his hands from the hem of his sweater. They were cold, so I lifted them to my lips. I placed tiny pecks to his scabby knuckles. Knuckles marked up like a real hockey player. He’d come so far. I loved him so much. If I had been standing my knees would be knocking, I was shaking so hard. “I’m… I was sure you were going to tell me to hit the freeway.” His eyebrows beetled. “I thought you were done with me. Our lessons are about over. I assumed you were going to break up with me.”
“Are we in a place where wecanbreak up?” His question was earnest.
I shrugged before lowering his hands, my fingers sliding between his. “I don’t know. To be honest, Finn, I don’t know jack shit about relationships. All I know is that the thought of never seeing you again makes me queasy and scared. More scared than being hurt. That’s what love is, right?”
“Sure, in a way. Do you want more from us than this?”
“Fuck, yes. I want lots more.”
He smiled in relief. My mouth found his. The kiss was explosive, gentle yes, but so filled with raw emotion. I pulled back after a moment, to rest my nose alongside his, as we battled to catch our breaths.
“Oh good. I do too. I want lots more. I want… I think I want to come out,” he whispered.
Wow. Oh, shit. That was… Massive. I pulled back even more, sitting straight now, my sight combing his face for any signs of anxiety. I saw a little.
“Finn, that’s a huge step. You don’t have to come out. I’m willing to wait for you to find the right time.”
He frowned a bit. “That’s just it. When will it ever be the right time?”
Okay, he had me there. “But your career will take a hit.”
“Probably, but maybe not. I don’t care, honestly, Cam; I’msotired of living my life in constant fear. I want to be able to touch you in public. I want to not have to hide in my house or yours just so we can kiss. I want to tell the world that you’re mine… if you want to be mine?”
