Page 147 of Dual
Anna glances at me, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth. “Terrifying. Wonderful. Did I mention terrifying?”
“The first week I had him was rough,” I admit, settling back in my chair. “I kept checking on him every hour to make sure he was still breathing. Kira and Isaak had to literally pry me away from his crib.”
“Says the man who installed three different baby monitors, a breathing monitor under his mattress, and a motion sensor, too,” Anna teases, and there’s such warmth in her voice it makes my heart skip.
“Can’t be too careful,” I mutter, but I’m smiling too. “He’s precious cargo.”
Dr. Ezra makes a note. “Domhnall, you’ve always been protective of the people you love. How does that feel now, being responsible for Connor?”
The question hits something deep and raw in my chest. I look down at my hands, at the wedding ring I still can’t quite believe I get to wear.
“Different,” I say slowly. “Better, somehow. Like...” I search for the words, feeling Anna’s patient attention on me. “Like finally, I get to protect someone who actually wants to be protected. Someone who needs me to be strong without having to... fight me for it.”
Anna’s free hand finds mine, squeezing gently. No judgment, no pressure. Just connection.
“That’s a profound observation,” Dr. Ezra says. “Can you tell me more about that feeling of fighting?”
I rub my thumb over Anna’s knuckles, drawing strength from her touch. “I spent my whole life trying to take care of people who didn’t want to be taken care of. My mam. Moira. Even Anna, in the beginning.” I glance at her, making sure she knows I’m not criticizing. Her expression is understanding, open. “They all needed help, but they resented me for trying to give it. Made me feel like I was... suffocating them.”
“And Connor?”
A laugh bubbles up from somewhere deep in my chest. “Connor thinks I hang the fucking moon. When he’s fussy and Anna hands him to me, he settles right down. Like he trusts me completely.” I shake my head, still amazed by it. “Never had that before. Someone who just... lets me fucking love them.”
“Language, Daddy,” Anna murmurs, but she’s smiling.
“Sorry, love.” I lean over to press a kiss to Connor’s downy head. “Someone who lets me love them without conditions or complications.”
Dr. Ezra nods thoughtfully. “And how has your relationship with Anna changed since Connor arrived?”
Anna and I exchange another look, this one tinged with heat that makes my blood warm. Even exhausted and covered in baby spit, she can still make my pulse race with just a glance.
“We’re more... united,” Anna says carefully. “Before, sometimes it felt like we were dancing around each other, trying to figure out which version of me Domhnall was talking to. Now we’re just... us. All of us, together.”
“All of you?” Dr. Ezra asks, and I know he’s gently probing about Mads.
Anna’s posture shifts slightly, and when she speaks again, there’s a different quality to her voice—sharper, more direct. “I’m here too, Doc. Not going anywhere this time.”
My heart does that thing it always does when Mads surfaces—equal parts relief and arousal and something that feels like coming home. I reach over to touch Anna’s cheek, and she leans into my palm automatically.
“How does co-consciousness feel now?” Dr. Ezra asks. “Different from before?”
Anna—bothof them—consider this. “Lesslike being in a boxing match for control,” she says, her voice returning to Anna’s gentler cadence. “More like... sharing space. Mads handles the things I can’t, and I handle the things she can’t.”
“Like what?”
“Diaper changes,” Anna says with a grin. “Mads is useless with diapers.”
“I am not useless,” comes the slightly indignant response, and I can hear Mads in the tone even if Anna’s still primary. “I just think someone else should handle the biological waste management.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Fair division of labor, I’d say.”
Connor starts to fuss, and Anna immediately shifts him to her shoulder, patting his back in that instinctive way she’s developed. “Mads is better with the middle-of-the-night feeds. She doesn’t need as much sleep.”
“And Anna’s better with the doctor visits,” I add. “She asks all the right questions.”
Dr. Ezra makes another note. “It sounds like you’ve found a balance that works for your family.”
“We’re working on it,” Anna says. “Some days are harder than others.”
