Page 23 of Dual
She moves instantly, without hesitation.
For a second, my hand at her throat disappears. I step back. This is a test. A choice. But she just stays there, perfectly on her hands and knees.
So I reach into the nightstand, fingers finding the familiar leather of her collar. The one I had made just for her, with the diamond in the center.
How long have I been holding on to this? How long have I been waiting for this moment? Because I have been waiting for it, haven't I? Without even letting myself admit it.
I kneel, wrapping the collar around her throat, fastening it in place. She shudders under my touch, a tremor running through her entire body.
I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to break her. But she's right about one thing—I can't keep pretending. I can't keep shoving this part of myself away.
Anna wants me to be whole. She says she wants me to have this. She says Mads needs this just as much as I do.
And yet, I still hesitate, my hands trembling with the weight of it.
"Once I start, I won't stop. I won't hold back."
She tilts her head up at me, eyes gleaming. "You want to make me cry pretty tears. You always did."
I don't deny it. I can't. It just never made me hate myselfbefore. I love her. So, how can I want to hurt her? That's fucked up. Is this something she really wants, or is this just Mads trying to manipulate me in some way? Is she trying to hurt Anna through this somehow?
"I don't want to hurt you," I lie even as I tug her forward by the leash attached to her collar.
She crawls easily beside me, occasionally nuzzling my knees.
"Oh, Donny," she murmurs, seeing through me like always. "Yes, you do."
My breath stills.
She pauses, craning her neck to look up at me. "AndIwant you to make me feel something."
I stop in the hallway. She stops with me.
"Do you?" My grip on the leash tightens. "Do you evenfeelemotions?" I don't mean for it to come out cruel.
She starts moving down the hallway again, and I can tell she's genuinely considering my question. Part of me hopes that inquiring about anything emotional will have her instantly switching back to Anna so we can just go back to sleep and forget all this nonsense.
But for once, Madison allows the silence, finally letting out a little sigh. "I know what love for you feels like," she answers. "But I'm not sure I ever feel anything else."
She lifts her head to meet my eyes again.
"And I know that pain lets me feel like I'm at least alive."
I swallow hard.
"It makes me feel real," she continues. "I want to feel real with you, Donny. I need to."
My grip on the leash tightens.
"If you won't fuck me," she says finally, "at least give me this."
My ragged breath is the only staggered sound in the hallway.
"I can give you both," I finally say, low.
I feel her shiver through the leash.
"Then we can both get what we need," she whispers. "Because we're perfect for each other."
