Page 22 of Dual
So why am I still fighting it?
Because the truth is, Iamstill pushing Mads away. Not for Anna's sake. Not anymore. Now, I'm my own prison guard, locked in a cage of my own making.
It feels like giving in means losing control.
My hands find her thighs, fingers digging in. She gasps, her breath stuttering, and the sound is pure sin. But before she can go further, before I let myself sink into this, I slide her leg back off me to put space between us.
She huffs in frustration. "Why can't you give in?" Her nails drag lightly down my thighs, teasing, tempting. "You waited so long to have me. Now you've got me. What are you fighting against?"
Myself. The darkest parts of me. The ones I swore I'd never let loose again.
Before she came back into my life, I'd stopped questioning why I was like this. Why I could only get the most satisfying pleasure when I was causing someone else pain. Only when they wanted it, of course, but still.
The truth is, I've been trying so hard to take it gentle with Anna at night, only to find it wasn't Anna at all. It was satisfying, in its way, because it was her. And I'd rather drive a screwdriver through my own eyeball than hurt her.
But I crave her. I cravethis. And that hunger has been clawing at me for too long without me letting my beast out of his cage.
I exhale and roll onto my back, covering my face with my forearm. "I'm just trying to figure out what's right."
"What's right?" Mads lets out a sharp laugh. "What about what you need? And what I fucking need?" She yanks the sheet up over herself, pulling away from me. "Or do you not want me anymore?"
My stomach clenches. "You know I do."
She turns toward me, those wide, knowing eyes scanning my face. "You either want me, or you don't," she continues. "It's your body. Do with it what you want." She starts to pull away again.
My hand snaps around her wrist, firm but not unkind. I tug her back. "You know that's not true."
She shivers. I feel it in my grip and in the way her breath catches.
"I want you to be my wife, Madison," I say, my voice rough, worn. "If I had it my way, you already would be. My body is yours." I exhale, long and slow. "Look, I know this is complicated."
"It's not, really. It's not." She laughs, but it's bitter and raw. "It's the easiest thing in the world."
Then she moves faster than I expect, yanking me forward as she slides to her knees beside the bed. I nearly stumble but catch myself as I climb out of bed, looking down at her as she kneels at my feet.
"I'm still your good kitty," she purrs, nuzzling against my knees. "Don't you remember how we used to play?"
My breathing hitches.
"When do you get to let the darkness out, Donny?" she whispers. "You pretend it's not still inside of you, but I know it is."
I clench my jaw.
"You've spent so many years of your life as a sadist," she continues, softer now. "And now you just pretend it's gone?"
My jaw clenches as I glance away. But she's relentless. She always is.
"Why are you lying to both of us?" she whispers. "What's going to happen when you can't bury it any longer?"
Then she leans in and presses her face against my groin, nipping at my balls through my boxers.
A dare.
My hand drops to her throat. An instinct I can't suppress. A growl rumbles deep in my chest.
Her lips part, and she chuckles, her breath warm against my skin. "There he is."
"Hands and knees," I growl.
