Page 96 of Those Summer Nights (Sweet Cravings 2)

Months? I couldn’t afford to come visit him. And I knew he didn’t want to come visit me. He had told me he was willing to try long distance. From Newark to NYC. But not this. We’d never talked about it at all. I knew how he felt about it though, I’d known it from the very beginning, and I gave him my heart anyway.

Someone that loved me might be up to such a long distance and long time apart. That wasn’t J.J. He was scared of long distance relationships and…did not love me. I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “J.J…” I couldn’t say the words. I couldn’t do it.

“Stay,” he said. But it sounded more like a plea.

I shook my head. “You don’t do long distance relationships.”

“I said I would for you.”

“I don’t want to make you do that. You’re starting a new job in a new city. I’d just be holding you back.”

“You’re not making me do anything. Just because summer’s ending doesn’t mean we are. And you could never in a million years hold me back. I…”

What? You what? Say it! You have to say it!

He cleared his throat. “I don’t want you to go. Please don’t leave.” He looked as deflated as I felt.

I stepped forward and hugged him, pressing the side of my face against his chest. His words weren’t enough. His actions weren’t enough. What we had wasn’t enough. I breathed in his perfect summery scent. The salt air and sunscreen on his skin. And tried my best not to cry. “I have to go. I have to.”

He held me a little tighter, like I was slipping through his fingers. “No, you’re choosing to. Stay another week. Stay with me. Don’t leave like this.”

I didn’t ever want to let go. I wanted to cling to this summer, to him. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d been so happy. Maybe that’s why it felt like there was a knife in my chest. I was giving up the best thing that ever happened to me. But J.J. wouldn’t be happy 3,000 miles away from me. Neither of us would be. I had to end it. For both our sanities. I thought about how Kristen had described her relationship with Reggie. “I think we both have to accept what this was. A summer fling.”

His arms fell from around me as he took a step back. “Seriously?” He was staring at me like I had just slapped him in the face.

The look in his eyes and the absence of his arms wrapped around me made me shiver. “You don’t do long distance relationships. And I need to focus on myself.”

His Adam’s apple rose and then fell. “So that’s it? That’s all this ever was for you?”

“We knew it from the start.”

He ran his hand down his face.

A car honked outside. “I have to go. Maybe I'll see you next summer?" I wasn’t sure why I said it. Like I was trying to hold on to a shred of hope.

He didn’t respond. He just stared at me. Because we both knew he wouldn't see me next summer. We were done. Whatever we had was over. And I was falling apart. I never thought I'd hurt more than when Aiden had dumped me. But this was worse. It was so much worse. Because I never felt this strongly for Aiden. I loved J.J. I loved him and he'd never know it. I tried to hold back my tears.

"I guess this is goodbye?” I said.

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his swim trunks. He was staring at me like he didn’t even recognize me. "Have a safe flight, Jellyfish Girl."

"Good luck in New York."

He shook his head like he didn’t understand anything that came out of my mouth. I didn’t either. All of it hurt. But I hoped he’d eventually see that I did it for him. I turned around and opened my door.

“It was never a summer fling to me,” he said from behind me. “And you know that.”

I finally let my tears fall as I closed the door and walked away without looking back at him. I wanted to stay. I wanted to be with him. But I couldn't. I had to go back to school. It was a summer fling. Nothing more. Why does it feel like so much more?

Chapter 29

Friday

Time made everything easier. I knew that. It had taken me a while to get over Aiden. A lot longer to give up on ever receiving love from my father. So the pain in my chest? It would go away. Memories of J.J. would fade.

My eyes were puffy from crying the whole flight here. I was pretty sure I was dehydrated, but the tears just wouldn’t stop. I’d skipped the cheap airport hotel and had come straight to the beach. I was already homesick and I thought that seeing the ocean might help. But now that I was standing here? It didn’t help at all. The sun was only just rising. It should have been a magical sight. But all I could focus on was how the ocean looked cold and brutal. The air smelled different here. It didn’t feel like the beach. My beach. I wanted the smell of sunscreen and sweat and salt air. J.J.

I sat down in the sand and I closed my eyes, remembering the way J.J.’s arms felt around me. How his lips felt against my skin. How his smile made the butterflies in my stomach multiply tenfold. And how he smelled like…home.

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