The line was silent. Maybe he hadn’t heard me.

"Aiden?"

"Hi, Mila." There was an awkward pause. "It's so good to hear your voice."

What the hell? The feeling wasn’t mutual. Hearing his voice made me feel like I was going to throw up again. "Why are you calling me, Aiden?"

He laughed. "It's weird hearing you call me Aiden. You never really called me that."

He was right. After we had started dating, I always called him babe. My stomach felt like it was twisting in knots. "Yeah." My voice sounded weird.

"I'm sorry that I haven't mailed you your stuff yet. It's just...I feel like you'll really be gone as soon as your stuff is gone."

Why do I want to cry? I swallowed hard. I needed this phone call three months ago. Not now. "I was gone as soon as I walked in on you sleeping with..."

"I know," he said, cutting me off. "Mila." His breathing sounded heavy. "I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry."

"You’re right. You are an idiot."

He laughed. "I know." He was silent for a long time. "I made a mistake. I'm so, so sorry."

That's what I had wanted to hear. But for some reason it wasn't enough. "We both know it wasn't just one mistake, Aiden. You don’t have any reason to lie to me now. How long did it go on?” I didn’t need to know the answer. I shouldn’t have even asked the question. Nothing he said could fix the hurt.

"I know. I know. Fuck, Mila. I don't know what's wrong with me." He sighed. "I'm sorry."

He didn’t answer the question. I should have ignored it and ended the call. Instead, I heard myself asking it again. For the love of God, why am I torturing myself?

“I don’t know. Six months maybe. But I’m sorry. I screwed up and I’m really fucking sorry.”

"Okay." Nothing he just said was okay, so I wasn’t sure why that was my response. Six months? Was he serious?

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I know I’m an asshole.”

I wasn't sure if he was looking for me to say I forgave him. But I didn't. My heart wasn't big enough to forgive and forget. I hated him. I hated the way he had made me feel. And I felt that way again right now. I put my face in my hand. Six months. He’d slept around behind my back for six months.

"I miss you."

I didn't say anything. Did I miss him? I felt angry and sad. But I wasn't sure I missed him anymore. I closed my eyes. No, I didn’t miss him. I hadn’t missed him for a while now. Ever since I met J.J.

"When are you coming back?” he asked. “I need to see you."

"At the end of summer.” Maybe. Hopefully not. “Aiden, why didn't you ever call me back? I needed you." Shit. I could feel my tears welling in my eyes. "I needed you last semester. I needed to know why."

"I'm sorry."

His sorry felt empty. It didn't mean anything to me now. "Why did you do it?"

"I don't know. But I can't stop thinking about you. I miss you so much."

"Was it something I did?" That's what had bothered me the most. It felt like it was my fault somehow. Tears started running down my cheeks.

"No. No. I just made a mistake."

Why did he keep saying that? He had made the same mistake over and over and over again. I had walked in on him making one of the hundreds of mistakes. "I'm going to go."

"Mila. Please, you have..."

"I don't want you to call me again."