Page 73 of Snow Balled

“If I thought I needed protecting, I would’ve been the one to retreat to my room.”

“We’re sorry,” Drew said again. “And we… we talked it over, and…” He looked to Tristan for help.

“We decided that if at some point you decide you want to be with one of us for your first time, then the other two of us promise we won’t get our feelings hurt.”

“Fine. I choose Carter.”

Tristan looked as if he’d swallowed a hornet. “What?”

“You heard her,” Carter said. He didn’t leer at me or anything like that. In fact, he looked as pissed with Tristan as I was.

“You can’t do that,” Tristan said.

“So that whole thing you just said about it being my choice was just bull?”

“No, I—” He put his head in his hands. “Fuck.”

Drew had the grace to look ashamed. “This whole night was a mistake. Let’s just go back to the way things were.”

“What, with her skulking around here like a timid little mouse?” Carter said. “Let her move past that, man.”

“We came up here to work. All of us,” Drew said. “Let’s just get back to that. There’s no need for anything else.”

“Except the fact that we’re all adults, and if we feel a connection with another adult, why the hell shouldn’t we explore it?” He turned his dark eyes on me, his smirk nowhere in evidence. “If you want me for your first time, you won’t regret it.”

“I believe that,” I said slowly. “But that’s not what I want.”

Tristan and Drew looked visibly relieved.

I took a deep breath. “I want all of you.”

Stunned silence greeted that. Then Tristan spoke up. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, she does.” This time, it was Drew who spoke against him. “She’s an adult who knows her own mind.” He looked up at me. “I’m sorry I didn’t recognize that sooner.”

I reached down and he squeezed my hand. “Thank you.”

Tristan looked tired. “I was just trying to look out for you,” he said.

“Which is helpful when the roof caves in or if I meet a coked-up bear in the woods. But not for this.”

He nodded.

“So, let’s try again sometime,” I suggested, looking to Carter for support. He nodded and gestured with his hand to say I should continue. “This time, without all the bells and whistles. No fancy clothes. No centerpieces. Just the four of us being honest with ourselves about who we are and what we want. Okay?”

“Okay,” they murmured.

Carter winked. “Keep the shirt. It looks good on you.”

Suddenly, the fire drained out of me. It had been an exhausting day. I’d spent so long anxiously getting ready for this evening. Then the date itself had some real highs—like dinner, and me actually being able to speak my mind to a roomful of men—but there had been some real lows, too. Like the reason I’d had to speak my mind to them.

I was so tired that it took me twice as long as it should have to remove my makeup and get ready for bed. But when I was finally ready, I didn’t want to take off Carter’s button-down.

And when I inevitably woke up at two, I trudged blearily to the bathroom and then the kitchen. I didn’t even realize Drew was awake until he spoke. “I’m sorry.”

I made my way over to the sofa. He was sitting up, staring at the fireplace even though it had long gone out.

“It’s like we all got dressed up and lost our damn minds,” he continued. “Except you.”

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