Page 44 of The Life We Almost Had

I kissed her hard. ‘I love you, Star.’ And then I was running back into the sea. Swimming back towards the yacht.

But I was tired. My legs aching. Body slow.

I counted the strokes in my head. Slowly. Methodically. I was about halfway and the urge to rest was immense but Anna was back on the beach, alone and scared, and my arms continued slicing through the water, my legs kicking hard.

Back at the yacht I reached the stray passenger. It was an elderly woman on her knees, desperately clutching the railing.

‘Jump,’ I called.

‘I can’t swim.’ Her voice was paper-thin.

‘It’s okay. I’m a strong swimmer.’ But the adrenaline that had surged through my veins was leaching into the salty water. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep going.

I was tired.

So tired.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Anna

Despite the sun blasting out heat, I was shivering. My teeth chattering together. My legs precarious, too unstable to support me.

Adam.

I was on my knees, too weak to stand, shielding my eyes from the brightness bouncing off the waves. Adam was nearly at the yacht. Other swimmers were close behind him, also trying to help. Tourists, the guy from behind the bar, the girl who was flipping burgers on the barbecue. The man who had thrust the leaflet about the yacht trip into Adam’s hand was standing, watching. I glared at him. Blaming him.

There was a rubber-band ball of ‘what if’ in my chest growing larger with every passing second. The elastic tightening, making it harder to breathe.

Adam.

He made it. A small, bobbing dot in the sea. He was talking to someone – I couldn’t quite make out if it was a man or a woman, an adult or, as Adam had feared, a child, but they were not moving. They didn’t know him like I did. They didn’t trust him.

He had only been gone a short while but it felt like forever.

Please, I urged, not sure if I was willing the person to get into the water or Adam to turn around and come back. Both, I think.

Please.

But they didn’t move. The yacht shifted dramatically. Almost completely on its side. I couldn’t bear to watch but I couldn’t turn away from it either.

No. Please. No.

The elastic-band ball inside of my chest had exploded when I saw, with horror, what was happening. Short, sharp, snaps to my heart.

The steel pole in the centre of the yacht was falling, falling directly onto Adam.

I screamed his name.

My roar was so deep, so painful, I was sure my baby must have heard it. Felt it. I covered my mouth with my hands as the pole hit Adam.

He disappeared under the water.

I couldn’t breathe while I waited for him to resurface.

He didn’t.

My boy from the bar was gone.

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