Page 63 of From Now On

One of the blankets slips from Pippa’s grasp and they wait while she bends over and picks it up, shakes it out. Nina helps her fold it, then she stacks it on top of the others. When she stands up again, her cheeks are pink.

‘But I liked Sasha.’ Duke’s voice is louder than he intended but his world has shrunk again. It’s not that he knew her very well but she was another person in his world and now she, too, has gone.

‘You didn’t even know her,’ Nina says under her breath.

‘Did you break up because of New York?’ Duke asks.

‘It was for various reasons,’ but Charlie didn’t offer any of them to Duke in the way that Mum would when she tried to convince Duke there were other reasons to him wanting a snack. Thirst. Boredom. Tiredness. But sometimes Duke just wanted a biscuit. He thinks grown-ups look for too many reasons sometimes. Why can’t they just stop analysing everything?

Duke glances to Pippa; she’ll tell him if she knows but she’s staring at Charlie, a shocked expression on her face, and Duke thinks she must have really liked Sasha too.

Charlie hitches the rucksack higher on his back. ‘You know one of the best things about being back?’

‘No.’ Duke hopes it’s him and Nina.

‘The air. It’s so fresh. I really only walked to and from the tube in the city and… I guess I didn’t notice it so much when I lived there,but it wasn’t clean. And this view.’ He sweeps his arm around as though Duke hasn’t seen it infinite times.

Changing the subject.

Again.

They are almost at the top. Billie is straining to rush ahead. They’re away from the road so Duke unclips her lead. She races off, Nina close behind.

They pause when they reach the peak of Briar’s Hill. Charlie takes off his jacket; his cheeks are pink. Duke bats away a buzzing fly as he scans the area. It’s weird seeing so many people here. The grass is covered with a patchwork of red, green and blue picnic blankets as though this is a party. Charlie begins to greet everyone but Duke hangs back, feels Pippa’s hand in his. ‘A celebration, remember?’ she whispers, and Duke’s feet reluctantly follow her even though he doesn’t feel like celebrating.

Duke tries to talk to the home-ed crowd but he doesn’t really belong anymore and so he sits apart from them, nibbling at a vegetarian Scotch egg. It isn’t until Evie arrives that he begins to relax.

‘Sorry I’m late. Have I missed the speeches?’ She flops down beside him and helps herself to a sourdough sandwich, peeling back the bread to see what’s inside.

‘Speeches?’ The word strikes horror in Duke’s heart. Is he expected to say something?

‘The eulogy, I think it’s called?’

‘I dunno.’ He kicks himself about how many times Charlie had asked him if he had any questions and he had said no.

But Evie’s question is answered when Charlie stands and claps his hands. ‘I just want to say a few words.’

‘Is that your brother?’ Evie whispers. ‘You look alike.’

‘Firstly, thank you for coming. It’s been difficult to know what to do;we didn’t feel a conventional service was appropriate given Mum and Bo’s bodies haven’t yet been recovered. And they were never one for formal occasions. Duke, Nina, do you want to join me?’

Duke can’t think of anything he’d less like to do but everyone is watching him, so he reluctantly stands next to Charlie, Nina to his left. He feels he might topple over backwards with fear but Billie bounds over and sits on his feet and her weight helps him stay upright.

‘We chose to come here because this is where we came for picnics as kids, not all together; there’s a bit of an age gap between me and my brother and sister although you can’t really tell.’ Charlie pats his face and everyone laughs. ‘We all have very happy memories here and we thought it might be nice if anyone wants to share their own memory of Mum or Bo. I’ll start. We first met Bo in Cornwall. Mum and me were… taking a break and on the promenade were the scruffiest bunch of musicians I’d ever seen. Sorry, Marty!’ Charlie holds his hands up in apology and Marty shouts, ‘Kids spend a fortune on the vintage look now. We were ahead of our time.’

Charlie shakes his head, a smile on his face. ‘Anyway, they began to play “Summertime” and Mum decided to join in – not from where we were standing, of course; she ran upfront, sharing a microphone with Bo and… I don’t know. I think Simon Cowell would describe it as magic happening and… you could see it was special. They had chemistry right from the start. When the song had finished we began to walk away. Bo launched into Janis Joplin and shouted, “You’re taking a piece of my heart,” but that wasn’t true. I think he gave his whole heart to her in that moment, as she did to him. They belonged together and, if there’s one consolation about this whole sorry situation,it’s that they never had to live without each other. I really don’t think that they could.’

Charlie sits back down cross-legged and Nina and Duke do the same. Duke lowers his head, swallowing back his tears.

‘I’d like to share something about Ronnie, my sister,’ Aunt Violet says, fiddling with the edge of a blanket. ‘It’s not really a story but a memory. I was three when my parents brought Ronnie home from the hospital and I loved her for about five minutes until I realized how much she cried and how much attention she was getting. “Take her back,” I demanded but my dad said he couldn’t and… and I’m glad they never did because I grew to love her so much and I… I… I’m sorry I can’t do this.’ She sits down and Pippa pulls her into a hug.

‘When I first met Bo,’ Marty speaks now, ‘I took him to my local and we sank pint after pint of real ale. He had his guitar case with him and I asked him to play me something. He swayed as he stood, he’d had far too much to drink, but he played “All Along the Watchtower” by Hendrix, and man, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. When he’d finished I told him how good he was. “Yeah, but the other bloke was better,” he’d told me. “What other bloke, Hendrix?” I’d asked him. “Nah the bloke over there.” He’d pointed to a mirror. He’d caught sight of his reflection and because he was so pissed he hadn’t realized it was himself.’ Everyone laughed, even Violet.

‘My turn,’ Pippa says. ‘I was brought up by my grandmother because my dad was in the army and Mum lived abroad with him but they wanted me to be schooled in the UK but I never felt I missed out on having a mum and dad present every day with Ronnie and Bo living next door because they really made me part of the family.It was Ronnie and Bo who were there for me after my grandma… Anyway, I miss them very much.’

There’s a few more stories until silence falls. There’s something Duke wants to share but he’s shaking at the thought of speaking in front of a large group.

He closes his eyes and his mind rolls back as he remembers one picnic where a wasp had stung him. He had screamed and screamed. Mum had held him on her lap, wiping his tears and singing in a low, comforting voice.

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