Page 83 of Forever Fascinating

She clasped his hand and headed back into the square; an idea bubbling in her mind had taken root and was wildly expanding. This was ridiculous, but she had no idea how else to explain how committed she was to see where this went between them… nor how to tell him how much she cared.

She was afraid he might bolt, dart into another club, or lose himself in some other vice because he was nervous or scared… like his smoking. She wanted to be the one he turned to… or she wanted him to use her solace when the world seemed like too much.

The small ancient stone building in the distance was one she wanted to possibly visit tomorrow when they had all day to explore, but now seemed as good a time as any.

ThePanagia Kapnikarea.

They’d walked past it twice, but the crowds were thick as people sat along the low walls surrounding it, making it hard to see where to go in or out of. There would be no tours right now, no explanation or brochures talking about the history of the building. It was always open, standing there, functioning as it had for hundreds, nearly a thousand years, as designed.

The stone entryway with the wooden doors waited, inviting yet looming, as they walked inside underneath the massive portico that was carved from what looked like a single block with an arch.

Floor candelabras were illuminated, along with a few lights giving it an Old World feel. Paintings adorned almost every expanse of the columns, sweeping arches, and buttresses that lined the roof of the church.

A very ornate confessional was off to the right as they walked into the sanctuary. Black and white marble floors were worn with time, drawing a person in further towards the front… and she felt like thousands of eyes were upon her, watching.

The paintings, the icons, everything seemed to be holding their breath, waiting… including Matthew.

“What are we doing here?” he asked softly. “I thought we were going to look at this place tomorrow?”

“Sitting down so we can talk uninterrupted in a place where we can both feel safe, comfortable, and secure,” she explained, taking a seat on one of the wooden benches that waited nearby.

All of the pews were gone, having been replaced with velvet ropes to make sure no one got too close to touch the magnificent artwork that had survived over the years. There were a few padded seats, but a part of her needed to sit beside Matthew, and the bench seemed perfect.

“I’m sorry,” he began nervously. “I shouldn’t have said any of that a moment ago and it’s…”

“It’s how you feel,” she replied, looking at him. “You’re afraid to trust, to believe, because of your past with your father, and I truly understand.”

He swallowed audibly in the silence of the church.

“I was always the fun girl, the wild child, that used to slip out in the night… but that wasbecauseI felt secure in my world,” she whispered, looking towards the ornate display at the front of the church.

“I knew that I was treasured, loved, and supported by my family, no matter how much I irked them. Jace and I have always been close, and yet he kept his secrets with Karen.”

She glanced at him, feeling his eyes on her.

“I’m glad, too,” she admitted. “Jace was falling in love, something only he would ever experience with her. I don’t want to know about them holding hands, kissing, or what they talk about… I just wanted and needed to know ultimately that he’s happy.”

She drew in a shaky breath, clasping his hand with hers.

“We had very different childhoods,” she began. “I felt supported, and you did not, or just needed more time, didn’t you?”

“Jana…”

“Tell me I’m wrong,” she smiled at him tearfully, clasping his hand. “Tell me that those fears you said aloud were because of some other reason, not because you are afraid to have everything taken away from you again.”

Matthew didn’t meet her eyes; his hand tightened perceptibly on hers, remaining silent.

“Time will pass…” she whispered gently, giving his hand a knowing squeeze. “The seasons will change. There will be laughter, tears, moments where we want to holler at each other in frustration or pull our hair out…”

She pulled her hand away from his for a moment to wipe a tear off her cheeks, realizing that he might not understand what true support, true love, felt like. How encompassing it was to know someone would always have your back… and perhaps that was the warning that she’d ignored. What if he couldn’t have her back because he didn’t know how?

His arm circled her back, holding her close, as he leaned towards her, kissing her tenderly.

“But Matthew… even in those moments?” she hesitated, looking up at him and meeting his eyes. “I’ll be there, waiting.”

“Jana…”

“No,” she smiled tearfully. “Hear me out, because this is big and a lot. I might chicken out and not understand how to explain it again – and it needs to be said.”

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