Page 23 of Death's Devotion
Death turns on the light in the room and I find a crib against the wall with Brent’s name in wooden lettering above it. There’s a few toys and other small things filling the room. My heart explodes in my chest at the thought of this man doing something so special for my boy. A child that’s not his and he hasn’t had anything to do with since I got here. Confusion also fills me more than what I’ve been feeling since he showed up at the shop to bring me here.
“I put this room together for Brent. It’s not done, but I wanted you to have some input in what’s in here for him,” Death whispers as he lays my son down in the crib and covers him with the small blanket already in there. “I’ve already washed everything in here so it’s clean and not straight from the store. I thought that’s what you were supposed to do.”
“Thank you. I don’t understand why you’ve done this, Death. You’ve made it clear you don’t want kids and nothin’ to do with me. We’ve had sex twice and that’s about it. I don’t know what’s going on here, Death. You need to explain it to me,” I tell him, not sure what to make of this stuff.
“I will. This isn’t the only thing I wanted to show you, Half Pint. Come on,” he says, grabbing my hand and leading me from the room.
Death leads me across the hall and opens the door. He reaches in and turns on the light before stepping out of the way. I step into the room and gasp in surprise. I’m staring at a fully made up nursery. It has everything I could ever dream of having in this room. There’s a rocking chair sitting in a corner with a blanket resting over the back of it. A crib sits against the back wall of the room. A mobile and blanket are already in place. Next to the crib is a changing table stocked with things a baby will need. A small box is on the floor and it has a few small toys inside already. There’s a swing, a vibrating chair, and a few other things our son will need.
The walls of the room are painted a light blue. Walking to the left, I find a few pictures hanging already. One is the ultrasound picture, there’s one of me and Brent in the apartment as I hold him close while dancing around, there’s a few of Death and his brothers and one of the entire club. Each picture is black and white as I look at them all. Above the crib is another picture. This one is a teddy bear dressed like a biker sitting on a motorcycle. It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
“Death, what is all this?” I ask him as tears slide down my face.
“It’s our son’s nursery, Half Pint. That’s why I’ve been disappearin’ and shit lately. I’ve been workin’ on puttin’ this together and makin’ sure everythin’ is how I imagine you’d want it to be,” he says, a faint blush covering his face as I turn to face him.
For the first time since meeting him, Death looks absolutely nervous. He’s unsure if he’s done the right thing here and I don’t know if I’ll be able to reassure him that this nursery is perfect. It’s exactly what I wish I’d been able to do for Brent when I had him.
“Death, you need to make this make sense for me. I don’t know why you’ve done all this when you told me you could only be there financially for me. Now, you’ve done this whole nursery, made a room for Brent, and have been coming around my apartment more. I told you I would never take your child from you, but that I was leaving because you don’t want anything to do with him. Or me. This is a complete turnaround and I’m so confused,” I tell him as he takes a few steps closer to me.
“Sit down, Half Pint. I’ve got a story to share with you and it’s not pretty,” he says, helping me to the rocking chair and sitting me down. “I don’t know if you know this, but I grew up in the club. My dad was an officer. There was always somethin’ goin’ on here. One rival after another comin’ at us and always goin’ into lockdown. I didn’t have a normal childhood. At all. None of us did. We learned about sex way too early, watched the guys drink, fuck, and do drugs back in the day like it was their life’s ambition to be a fuck-up on a bike. Add in all the rivals they made for one reason or another and life was fuckin’ chaotic. It was messy.
“When I was a teenager, I lost my virginity very early. It wasn’t anythin’ I cared to hold onto and everyone else was doin’ it. So, I said fuck it and fucked one of the club girls. She taught me everythin’ I needed to know about pleasin’ a woman. Half the time I had to be fucked up to even get my cock hard with her. It’s not easy fuckin’ a woman you know everyone from the club is fuckin’. That’s not what fucked me up though. It was a girl named Brittny.
“Brittny was in class with me and she quickly became the center of my universe. I took all those lessons the club girl taught me and used them with Britt. The first time Talon heard I was with her, he was pissed. Told me she wasn’t after anythin’ more than the club. It was known by everyone I was goin’ to be patchin’ in as soon as I turned eighteen. I didn’t want to hear what Talon had to say though. Didn’t believe him and told him to fuck off and mind his own business. It didn’t take Brittny long to start beggin’ to go to the club with me. It didn’t matter what was goin’ on or who was gonna be there. She would beg and shed tears until I’d give in and bring her along with me. None of the guys, patched members or their kids, wanted her around or liked her. they all tried to warn me she wasn’t good and I needed to drop her ass.
“I still didn’t listen to them. Thought I was in love with her and started dreamin’ of a future with this girl. Of makin’ her my ol’ lady, havin’ a family with her, and settlin’ down by the time I was almost eighteen. I couldn’t see what a manipulative bitch she truly was. Not until I started seein’ the way she’d act when we were at the clubhouse. Britt would flirt with the guys. It didn’t matter who the guy was or if he was married. She’d try and get him to fuck her. I started pullin’ back from her and that’s when everythin’ got worse. Britt told me she was pregnant and the baby was mine. Since I loved her ass, I believed her. Went out and bought a ring and proposed to her.
“I graduated and got my Prospectin’ cut the same day I asked her to marry me. It was a matter of days before I was sent out on a run. When I got back, I overheard her in the common room talkin’ shit to one of the guys as she was ridin’ his cock. Told him not only wasn’t she pregnant, but she wanted nothin’ to do with me. I was her way in the club and she couldn’t fuckin’ stand havin’ to pretend to be into me or let me fuck her. That I couldn’t satisfy her because I wasn’t rough enough. Didn’t do what she liked in bed. It’s kind of hard to give someone what they want when they don’t say a damn word about it to you,” Death says, pacing the room and looking at the floor as he talks.
My heart breaks for him. This guy put his heart on the line and opened himself up to a girl who lied to him, used him, and made him feel as if he wasn’t good enough. All so she could have a way into the club. What a fucking bitch!
“I swore that day I wouldn’t ever let another woman get close to me. That I’d never have kids and I’d only fuck when I wanted to. The club is still fuckin’ chaotic and I’ve got more blood on my hands than anyone else I know. How can I be expected to raise a kid when I’m not a good man? I kill people without remorse or thought. Anyway, after I found out the truth about Britt, I went off the rails. I started drinkin’ from the time I woke up until I passed out again, goin’ to a warehouse and participatin’ in underground cage fights, and fuckin’ any woman I could. That lasted for fuckin’ months. I didn’t do what I was supposed to for the club, barely showed up for church, and let everyone I care about down.
“Talon, Judge, Boxer, and Sabotage pulled my ass out. When they got me back to the clubhouse, Shank beat the shit out of me. Told me if I wanted to fight, he’d give me all the fight I could handle. That he’d make me beg him to stop beatin’ the shit outta me. I promised them that day I’d never go back. I’d get better, stop drinkin’ so much, and make sure I was there whenever anyone needed me. Then my Gramps showed up. He let me have it. Beat my ass and gave me the lecture of a lifetime. He didn’t like Brittny either. Ever since then, I’ve stuck to the vow I made myself about not havin’ an ol’ lady or kids. Then you showed up.
“From the very first time we were together I haven’t been able to get you off my fuckin’ mind. I haven’t been with a Rebel or any other woman since that night. Sex isn’t somethin’ I go without, Half Pint. I like sex and didn’t give a shit what woman I was with or where it happened. Most of the guys here have seen my cock more times than they’ve wanted to. The day of the ultrasound, everythin’ fuckin’ changed for me. I went from not wantin’ kids and an ol’ lady in my life to not bein’ able to think of anyone but you and our son. I’ve been thinkin’ of baby names, buyin’ everythin’ for this nursery, and figurin’ out ways to make this shit up to you. To prove to you I’m a man worthy of your love and bein’ in your life.”
For a few minutes, there’s nothing but silence in the room. Death and I stare at one another and I see the truth of his words in his eyes. He’s not lying to me or playing games to get me to remain in Braedon. This man is once again taking a chance and opening himself up. I’m not sure if I’m worthy of him or what this means moving forward for us. I don’t think Death knows what it means either.
“What are you saying, Death? I need you to be really clear and lay this all out for me so there’s no miscommunication between us,” I finally manage to say. “Other than that, Brittny is a fucking bitch. I would never lie to you or make you do anything you don’t want to. I’m not looking for a way into the club either. While I might like the men and women I’ve interacted with so far, they don’t matter to me. I’m also not one to fuck around with any guy out there. Death, you have to know you’re only the second man I’ve ever been with in my life. I don’t get the whole relationship thing, know nothing about the club, and can’t get you off my fucking mind. But, you’ve hurt me. Made me so fucking angry I can’t stand it most days. I don’t know if I can blindly trust that you’ve had a change of heart about our situation. Not even with the nursery and room for Brent.”
“I know, Half Pint. But I’ll show you every fuckin’ day I mean what I say. I want this with you and no one’s goin’ to make me change my mind. I’ve already broken a promise to the club by goin’ back to the underground warehouse to fight. I’m not goin’ to break my word to you,” he says, stepping up in front of me and dropping down to his knees in front of me.
“Why would you go there to fight, Death?”
“When we had church about me goin’ to LaRusso, the guys started baitin’ me. Askin’ me if I was gonna claim you. When I denied it, Boxer made a comment about one of them steppin’ up and claimin’ you as their ol’ lady. I lost my shit. Left church before it was even over with and headed straight for the warehouse. I took on five guys that night. I was still in denial about what I want with you. Kelsey, I won’t settle for anythin’ less than all of you. In return, I’ll give you everythin’ I am. I’m still not a good man and will continue doin’ my job for the club. That means spillin’ blood to keep my family safe. I don’t even know if you can handle me like that. I even sat down and talked to Sabotage about it before Jae was released from the hospital. Our roles in the club are similar and I needed to know how he wrapped his head around what he does for the club. We had a long talk and he told me to get my head out of my ass and step up to claim you and be the man you needed me to be,” he tells me, placing his hands on my thighs and resting them there I stare down at him.
“Death, you’re a good man. One of the best men I’ve ever known in my life. If you’ve spilled blood to protect your family, that doesn’t make you a bad man. It makes you a protector. You would sacrifice yourself for those you love and care about. You’ve done nothing but protect me since I walked through the door. I’m still not sure what this means moving forward, but I’m not going to push you away. If this is what you really want, then we’ll give it a try and see where we go. The only thing I ask is if this becomes too much and you change your mind for any reason, let me know. Don’t cheat on me or just stop talking. Let me know you can’t handle being with me and being in your son’s life. I’ll walk away and we won’t end up hating one another,” I tell him, knowing I’m not going to walk away from Death for any reason. Other than him cheating on me or him saying he can’t do this.
“Kels, you’re a better woman than I deserve. You’re kind, lovin’, sweet as fuck, and everythin’ I’ve ever wanted in a woman. When I realized you’d been hurt and we almost lost the baby, I knew I couldn’t let you go. That I’d fight for you and our son no matter what it took to keep you both. It just took me a while to get on board with everythin’ because the shit with Brittny filled my mind and that’s all I could see,” he tells me honestly. “Will you stay the night with me tonight?”
“I can do that, Death. I’m ready for bed,” I tell him, needing to think about everything he’s said tonight.
Without another word, Death lifts me in his arms after standing and carries me into his bedroom at the end of the hall. He peels my clothes off and tosses them to the floor before stripping out of his own. Sliding into bed next to me, Death holds me in his arms and presses a soft kiss against the top of my head. Sleep claims us both. It’s the best sleep I’ve gotten in a long time with no nightmares or dreams of anything but the possible future we can have together.
Chapter Seventeen
KELSEY AND BRENT have been at my house every day for a week now. I thought it would be weird or drive me insane to have someone else in my space. If anything, it’s been the exact opposite. Knowing when I get home she’s going to be there and her son will be sleeping in the room I made him causes my heart to beat faster. Sabotage, Shank, and Talon are the only ones who know where they’ve been because they’ve been taking all the night shifts of her guard duty. I don’t want a ton of people knowing I’ve basically moved them into my house. The less people who know means Vince can’t find out shit. I know my brothers would never talk to Vince or accept any kind of pay off from him. It’s the fucking Prospects I don’t trust. One has already proven they can’t be trusted and Kelsey’s life is too damn important to take any chances on. Brent’s is too. That little boy has started gravitating to me and I don’t know what I’d do without him in my life.
