Page 8 of Death's Devotion
Handing over my phone, Judge puts his number in mine before sending a message to himself. Without saying another word, he sets the diaper bag down and leaves the apartment. I put Brent to bed and grab the monitor so I can take a quick shower and wash the day away. Just before climbing into bed, I make sure all the doors and windows are locked as I do on a nightly basis. Once everything is taken care of, I finally allow myself to climb in bed and pull the covers up to my chin. Letting tears slide down my cheeks and cover my pillow beneath my head, I close my eyes and let sleep claim me.
Chapter Six
WATCHING KELSEY LEAVE and not stopping her is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I wanted to keep her in my room and hash all this shit out. She’s not fighting me for any reason. Her saying she’s not going to take a dime of my money isn’t going to work either. That’s my kid she’s carrying and I’m not gonna leave her to do it all on her own. For her to even suggest not taking my money, angers me more than I thought it would. Kelsey is so used to doing everything on her own that she’s not willing to take anything from me. She’s going to learn really quick that’s not how I operate. Hell, I’ve already called Doc and talked to her about the situation. Kathy isn’t going to let Kelsey pay for her appointments when I’m there to pay for them. Now I’ll just have to figure out what the fuck to do about the rest of the shit she’ll need for the baby.
I also didn’t forget about her saying she’s not gonna be here for long once Jae gets cleared to go back to work. A large part of me, larger than I’d like to admit to myself, is hurt she’s going to leave here and not be around. I won’t get to see her, know if she’s okay, or anything going on with her. Or my child. Yeah, I said I didn’t want to be a part of his or her life, but it doesn’t mean I want to be far away from them either. If something happens, I want to make sure I’m there for them. Even if it’s sitting in a waiting room while they’re getting checked out by a doctor. If Kelsey leaves, I won’t be around to do that shit. I’ll never see him or her and it’s honestly what I’ve made her believe I want.
Slumping back on my headboard, I pull out my phone as it vibrates in my pocket. Seeing Judge’s name on my screen, I wonder what the fuck he wants.
“What?” I bark out, answering my big brother.
“You’re a fuckin’ idiot, Nolan. I don’t know what the fuck you’re thinkin’ when it comes to Kelsey and the baby she’s carryin’. And before you say a fuckin’ word, she didn’t tell me a damn thing. Not what you discussed or anythin’. I just know how the fuck you are. And I’ve already told her I want to be in your child’s life no matter what decision you make,” my brother says, his voice hard as hell.
“Not your business, Judge. This is between Kelsey and me. We don’t need any of your fuckin’ input.”
“Not givin’ you input. Just tellin’ you Iwillbe there for the baby and Kelsey. It doesn’t matter where she moves or anythin’. I’m gonna be there. Also know Talon will be there too. She’s fully prepared to go through this on her own and it’s not gonna happen,” he states, his voice not getting any better as he continues talking to me.
“You know why I can’t be there, Judge. If anyone should fuckin’ understand where I’m comin’ from, it’s you and Talon. You were there. You’re the one who picked up the fuckin’ pieces of my shattered soul and kept me from doin’ somethin’ fuckin’ stupid. I’m not goin’ through that shit again. Not for any reason,” I state, my voice breaking as my past comes back to haunt me.
“And you know Kelsey isn’t fuckin’ her. She’s not gonna fuck you around, play games, or lie to your ass. Know how I know that shit? Because as I said a few minutes ago, she didn’t fuckin’ toss your ass under the bus like she should have. Wouldn’t tell me a single thing either one of you said or nothin’. Basically just said she was movin’ once Jae came back to work and wouldn’t force you into anythin’ you didn’t wanna be a part of. She also knows my stance on the situation. Suggest you tell Talon and let him know what’s goin’ on before she fuckin’ takes off. Cause once she leaves here, I’m not gonna tell your ass where she is. Not gonna fuckin’ hurt her like that for no reason,” Judge promises me before hanging up the phone.
Closing my eyes, I toss my phone on the bed next to me. hearing how pissed of Judge is, I know he’s going to stand by everything he just said. My big brother is a man of his word if nothing else. Once he promises you something, that’s what he’ll do. And, if he’s telling Kelsey he’s going to be there for my son or daughter, that’s where he’s gonna be. Any time she needs something, he’s going to be the first one to step up in my place. I can honestly say the thought of knowing my brother will be there for our child puts me a slightly at ease. Though, on the other hand, the thought of Judge being close with Kelsey and something developing between the two of them makes me angry. Something I have no business feeling.
There is no way in hell I’m about to go in the common room and sit with everyone right now. I’m not ready to be surrounded by the guys and have the Rebels try to climb in my lap when I want nothing to do with them. I haven’t wanted a damn thing to do with another woman since the night I was with Kelsey. It’s like she fucking ruined me for anyone else. The only time I’ve gotten off lately is by using my damn hand to thoughts of her wrapped around me. So, it’s a good thing I don’t have to worry about leaving my room for any reason tonight. Getting up, I walk over and grab a bottle of alcohol from the top of my dresser and open it up. There’s no point in getting a glass because I plan on getting shitfaced and don’t need one.
Grabbing my phone, I pick a playlist and let it play through the speakers as I begin drinking one long pull after another from the bottle in my hand. I’m not going to sit here and think about everything Kelsey did, and didn’t, say to me before turning and walking out. There were a lot of unspoken words between us. The way tears filled her eyes as she told me she wasn’t going to take a dime from me or make me do anything I didn’t want to. Never once have I thought she was trying to trap me or would force me into being a dad if I didn’t want to. Her heart is broken and I’m the reason for it. I’m the reason her life is going to be even harder now by making her a single mom to two children without being there to help her.
Then the thought of Vince being out there fills me. I know he’s not going to take her being fucked by another man lightly. Especially if he finds out she’s pregnant and has his son. There is nothing I can do to make sure he doesn’t get her unless I’m up her ass every second of the day. That’s not something I can do right now. The best thing for the both of us is for me to step back and let her forget about me. Forget everything I’ve done to her and the pain I’ll continue to cause by not being there for her. It’s one of the many reasons I’m not meant to be with someone on a long term basis. I’m good for a fuck and nothing more. I don’t have the emotional capability to give anymore of myself. Too many parts have been broken over the years and there’s no putting them back together again.
Waking up, I try to remember anything from last night. My head is foggy as hell and I can’t remember anything after picking up the bottle of alcohol I placed on my dresser the day I left for the run after finding out about the baby. Right now, the only thing I can focus on is the body heat surrounding me from both sides. Lifting my head, to find out who’s in my bed, I immediately whip my head to face the door when a gasp catches my attention. Kelsey is standing in the doorway. Her face is completely pale as her mouth hangs open and tears slide silently down her face. Turning my head back to my bed, I find two naked women in bed with me.
“Half pint,” I begin to say as she turns and races from the room without letting me say anything else. “Fuck!”
The women begin stirring next to me as I bark for them to wake the fuck up. I’m yelling so loud, Talon, Lash, and a few other guys are soon standing in my doorway. It takes several minutes, but the girls finally get out of bed, standing naked as fuck on either side of my bed. These girls aren’t Rebels. I don’t know who the fuck they are or where they came from. Judge and his guys don’t bring girls here because they know we have some here to take care of them.
“What the fuck is goin’ on in here?” Talon questions, taking a step in my room and staring me down without letting his eyes drift to either woman.
“That’s what I’d like to fuckin’ know,” I growl out, pushing the blankets off myself.
I’m still fully dressed. Even my belt is still fastened and my pants are buttoned and zipped as well. If I had fucked either one of these girls, I’d be naked or my pants would be undone. Neither of those is the case right now so I know I didn’t have sex last night. That’s about the only thought to penetrate the fog currently filling my head.
“What the hell did you do to her now?” Judge asks, pushing past everyone to step in my room.
My oldest brother takes in the scene before him and disgust immediately fills his face. It’s not hard to guess what he’s thinking happened in here. While I’d like to be outraged at him for even believing I could do something so horrible, he doesn’t know what’s going through my head or how I haven’t been able to fuck another girl in the months since Kelsey was with me. After his call last night, he now finds two random, naked women in my room. Of course, he’s going to think the absolute worst of me and what’s going on.
“I didn’t do anythin’ to her. I’m still fuckin’ drunk from last night. Drank almost an entire bottle of alcohol. Pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to get it up if I had a gun to my head and the one woman I want standin’ in front of me,” I tell the men now filling my room.
“Where the fuck did they come from then?” Lash asks, glaring at the woman as they continue to do nothing more than stand among all the guys looking as if they’re in fucking heaven. “Quit fuckin’ lookin’ at me. My ol’ lady will fuckin’ gut you with a smile on her face and not think twice about doin’ so. None of us would ever touch you with a ten foot pole and another man’s cock.”
Instantly the women look to the ground, properly chastised. Still, they don’t say a word about why there here and I know they’ve heard it asked more than once.
“Since you two seem to be fuckin’ dumb as hell, this is the part you fuckin’ talk,” I bark out, getting out of bed and as far away from them as I can without leaving my room. “Why the fuck are you here? I know I didn’t fuck either one of you considerin’ I’m still fuckin’ dressed and my belt is still done. Been fuckin’ long enough to know when I have sex no matter how drunk I am.”
“We were with you last night,” the darker blonde says, finally looking up and staring at me as if she expects me to believe her lies. “Picked us up at a bar and brought us back here with you.”
“That’s a fuckin’ lie. First of all, I don’t ride in any damn cage unless it’s a fuckin’ emergency. I started drinkin’ in my room and once I start, I don’t get on my bike. Not about to kill myself or someone else because I’m drunk and decided to go for a ride. Didn’t leave my room once I started drinkin’ because I didn’t want to see anyone else last night. The whole reason I started drinkin’ in here to begin with,” I state remembering that much of the night even if everything else is fuzzy.
“So, we can do this one of two ways. We can ask you questions and you fuckin’ tell the truth. Or, we can put you in a cell in the basement, wait for our friend to get here, and then watch on as she gets the answers while coverin’ her hands with your blood. I personally don’t give a fuck how we do this. It’s all up to the both of you,” Talon says, stepping up to my side in a show of solidarity.
