Page 32 of The First Deal

I couldn’t argue with that. So I made my way up the narrow staircase, snorting in amusement as Shane wobbled behind me on a broken floorboard. I skipped a step and hoped that he did the same.

His lack of complaint or the sound of splitting wood was enough to reassure me that he had copied me without turning around to check.

We made it to the top floor, and I unlocked my door, slipped off my shoes, and prayed to god that I had at least remembered to make my bed this morning. I wasn’t usually a messy person, but it had been a strange week, filled with conflicting emotions, and my head had been all over the place.

“Oh,” Shane murmured, and I turned to face him.

He was taking off his shoes and placing them beside mine, but his eyes were searching the room. One single room. They travelled smoothly from the kitchen area on one side of the space to the—thankfully made—bed on the other.

“I wasn’t lying about how small it is,” I said, then crossed the room to the only other door, opening it to reveal the bathroom. “But at least I have a private bathroom, which is more than I had in my last place.”

“I like it,” Shane finally said, heading towards the huge window and peering out into the night sky.

I spent a lot of time sitting on the windowsill, watching the sea roll in and out, enjoying the fresh breeze as seagulls screeched and children played in the street below.

But right now, in the middle of the night, was my favourite time to sit beside it. Even now, as cold as the winter nights were, I liked to sit there.

I unhooked the latch that kept it closed and shoved the window up, opening it wide and perching on the edge. There was a small, flat roof just outside the window, making it safe enough to sit without worrying about falling to my death, but Shane didn’t know that.

“What are you doing?” He grabbed my arm, pulling me back as I went to swing my legs out of the window.

“It’s safe, Rex,” I said with a laugh. “Come. Sit.”

“It’s cold,” Shane said, turning to look around my flat. “I don’t like the cold. And I’m not sure how safe an open window can be.”

“You spend all of the summer on the roof of your building, but you think it’s unsafe to sit on the windowsill. If you fall, you’ll land on the roof below, which”—I twisted and moved my leg outside, stretching—“I can touch with my toes.”

Shane hummed, not sounding convinced, then released me and grabbed a blanket from my bed, wrapped it around his shoulders, and reluctantly came to sit beside me. He offered me some of the blanket, but I didn’t want it. I was used to the chill of the night air.

“Okay,” Shane said after a long moment passed between us. “I suppose this is quite nice. I like that I can hear the sea, even if I can’t see it properly.”

“I thought you’d like it. I know how much you love the sea.” It was one of the few things I did know about him.

I swear that man could hear my inner thoughts sometimes. He dropped his head and whispered, “I’ve not been fair. You know so little about me, yet I feel like I know everything about you.”

“You don’t.”

“I know.” He gave me a sideways glance. “But it feels like I do. I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. Well,yourwhole life. I must feel like a stranger to you sometimes.” His voice was low, sad.

“Sometimes,” I admitted. “But most of the time, when I’m with you, everything just feels right, so those moments when I feel like I barely know you don’t bother me quite so much.”

“And then you go home.” He understood, he knew that when I was away from him I would dwell on the things that I didn’t know. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m sure you have a reason.”

“Fear,” he spat, the word sounding like a curse as he turned his head away from me. “Sorry. You don’t want to see that side of me.”

He turned back with a smile on his face, and I sighed heavily.

“Rex, I want to see all of your sides. I was drawn to the man with the panty-dropping smile, but I stayed for the man who made me feel wanted and desired. I might not know you as well as I want to, but I do know how I feel when I’m with you. That won’t change because you show me more than one emotion.” I met his gaze, and in the dark, I was sure I could see tears fill his eyes, but I couldn’t be sure.

“It will change though,” I whispered, “if you never open up. I won’t wait forever for you to let me in.”

“The door is wide open, Cariño.” His voice. His words. The brush of his knuckle as he ran it down my cheek. It all sent the swarm of butterflies from my stomach to my chest.

“All you have to do now, is come inside. Hannah, I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner. I’m sorry that I kept my life hidden. I was scared that you’d walk away from me if you knew me. Are you walking away?”

His knuckle paused under my chin, then his thumb pinched the skin gently and he pulled me closer. “Are you?”

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