Page 4 of Until Beckett

“I’m your friend, but fuck, man. It’s good to hear you acknowledge that.” I curled the top of my lip up slightly, fighting the need to let out a chuckle, as his gaze remained locked on mine. “I thought I’d lost you completely.”

“Nope. I’m still here, just very broken inside,” he said, shrugging his shoulders in a nonchalant way. “I just—” He sighed.

I couldn’t believe how blasé he was about it. I got he was hurting. I got he was angry. But being defeated wasn’t in my vocabulary, or his for that matter; he’d always had to fight for whatever he wanted. It was something that hadn’t even bothered him when he was a teenager and the popular kids used to pick on him for being good with numbers. Corey showed them all though, by ending up tutoring the girls who needed support and then dating the girl they were all pining over, leaving both Asher and me dumbfounded. He seemed to enjoy playing with fire but never got burned in the process because he was clever and subtle with his actions. It made Asher and me envious of how easily he dealt with everything without a single care in the world. It was why we were all worried about his indifference and lack of fighting back—where was that strength we all loved and knew? We knew it wouldn’t be instantaneous after something so devastating, but he had a little girl who needed him, and as Asher told me, everything changes when they appear on the scene. It did for him anyhow, when November gave birth to his little ones and the love just seemed to grow and be shared around.

“Well, we better start working on putting you back together, then—slow and steady,” I responded, allowing him to take whatever comfort he needed from me. “It’s not a race to get to the finish line, Corey, as long as you make those first steps and keep moving.”

“Yeah,” he replied, lifting his head and giving me a small smile—the first I’d seen in such a long time—just as the monitor alerted us to the sound of a tearful princess needing his attention. “I better go and—”

“That’s okay. I’ll still be here and so will this,” I softly said as he quickly raced toward his bedroom and Mila’s bassinet, like he was glad to escape the situation. “Corey—”

“I’m coming back,” he insisted, resting his hand against the doorframe. “You’re right, man. I have to do this.”

“I’m proud of you,” I told him, knowing that took a lot of strength to admit to me. “Do you want me to go and make her a bottle up?”

“Thanks, man. That would really help.” Corey nodded at me while looking into the depths of his room, his broad shoulders flexed and strained, full of tension. “I appreciate all your help.”

“I know you do.”

I headed into the kitchen and got to work prepping the little princess’s bottle. If she was hungry, then her cries would soon increase very quickly and wouldn’t settle until she had what she wanted. Corey’s princess wasn't afraid to let it be known what she wanted and when. I chuckled. She definitely had a good set of lungs on her. She’s going to have all of us wrapped around her little finger.

I just hope all my work was worth it as my extended vacation and support from my employer would only last so long. A school only had so many weeks of vacation to give, and I’d already pleaded and taken nearly all the accrued unpaid time I could afford alongside the summer break. I’d need to return at least on a part-time basis soon, and that meant Corey having to depend on his own decisions.

The question was, could he cope with that?

Could he cope without me?

TWO

COREY

I never really knew until now how much mess someone so small could make. I mean Mila was so small. So precious. Don’t get me started on the space they need. I’m sure Mila had more clothes and essentials then I had.

Until you have a baby you can’t even imagine how much preparation is needed or how many times, you’re going to fuck up through the day. I mean I’d love for you to find me someone who could just do the exact required amount of sterilizing of baby bottles in a day. That you couldn’t be that overtired, cranky person who’d put that one too many scoops of baby powder in the bottle and therefore couldn’t actually give it to your little one.

Or having to run out to the shop first thing in the morning as you realized you were on your last diaper and was certain you had a spare packet somewhere and can’t for the life of you remember where you placed it.

I know I could wake Beckett and ask him if he knew where they were but then that meant disturbing him… waking him.

I wonder if he kicks the sheets off at night as he is too hot with a comforter over him. Maybe, he slept naked underneath… I bit down on my lip as I quickly strapped Mila into her stroller hoping I could get quickly to the shops and back as her bottles sterilized and before the wind in her belly took over and caused a diaper explosion that leaked up her back.

“Come on princess, let’s get quickly to the shops and back, shall we?” I whispered to her as I tucked her into the stroller with her butterfly blanket laid across her. I didn’t like to take her anywhere without it as I felt it kept us both close to Isabella. Butterflies were her favorite. “We need to get daddy into some sort of routine, don’t we?”

Mila cooed at that as I shook my head. Here I was talking to my baby about what I should be doing rather than actually dealing with the situation.

I took the shortcut through the village, heading straight to the small shop nearby, avoiding going anywhere near Geneva Lake. In my heart I knew this wasn’t the time to take my time as the last thing I needed was an upset princess on top of already feeling like a failure for not realizing the mistakes I’d made. In my eyes I shouldn’t be making so many mistakes when it comes to Mila and what she needs, but it seemed like mistakes tended to follow me in whatever I do. She relied on me–even though Beckett was helping me—she was my responsibility and depended on me. At this moment what I was doing just wasn’t good enough.

I fought back the tears from spilling down my cheeks, taking in deep breaths with each step hoping nobody would stop me and ask me any questions that I really didn’t want to answer.

“Corey, it’s good to see you out and about,” Mrs. Easterlin, replied standing up from behind her seat at the counter desk. “And you have that little girl with you.” She smiled widely at me. “How are you both getting on?”

I handed her the diapers and some sterilizing liquid that I saw on the way to the counter thinking that I probably used the last of the liquid at home for the bottles I’d put on before I headed to the store. The last thing I needed was to be using what little precious free time I had by running back to the store because I was so stressed and didn't write myself those few things I needed to grab down on a piece of paper. Having an extra bottle in the home is better than having none at all left.

“We’re doing the best we can,” I admitted, trying to keep the conversation to a minimum and hoping that she’d quickly ring up the total so we could get back. I’d just heard another pop of wind from Mila and knew time was slowly running down for us and the last thing I needed was a stroller that needed cleaning out as well as Mila. That wouldn’t be the easiest of jobs to tackle. “She keeps us on our toes.”

“I’m sure she does,” Mrs. Easterlin, replied as I handed over a twenty dollar bill, not giving her a chance to give me the total and instead reading the price on the display in front of me. “She’s lucky to have you,” the grey haired lady with an immaculate perm stated. “If you do need anything you know most of us would be happy to help you in anyway we can. We all thought the world of Isabella.”

“I appreciate that,” I choked back as I reached for the diapers and sterilizing liquid and placed it in the basket underneath the stroller, before standing up and giving the woman a slight forced smile. “I better get going but keep the change.”

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