Page 3 of Until Beckett

I didn’t have the woman who completed my heart here with me anymore. I never would ever again.

ONE

BECKETT

THREE MONTHS LATER

It was a spur of the moment comment and one in which I never thought Corey would ever take me up on or that I thought I’d have to actually go through with.

Over the last few months, I’d spent more time at Corey’s place than at my own house. It made me wonder why I even bothered doing a food shop since I was never here anyway. I stared out in the distance at Geneva Lake, wondering if the fresh, blue water was filled with more people from the boating community or teenagers racing toward the water edge to stretch those muscles and have a swim. William’s Bay had been our home, but lately it didn’t have much of a comfort to either myself or my best friend. The only thing that seemed to help him was undertaking a task that ensured the safety of Mila and her homecoming. She was eventually released from the hospital two months after Isabella’s funeral, after having fought so hard through everything that had been thrown her way. Now she’s thriving and she's the most beautiful princess I’ve ever seen.

Enough was enough, though. I knew he needed more support, and my presence seemed to be the only constant that actually helped his mood and attitude. If that meant giving up my view and bachelor pad of a house for a short time for him, then there was no question, I’d do it in a heartbeat. That meant a short-term life change then I’d do it. I’d happily not involve myself in one-night stands and no strings attached sex while I concentrated on Corey and Mila’s needs. What's more important, I can easily give up conversations with men about why I'm not interested in long-term commitments. It had become a pain having to explain to them that I wasn’t in the mindset for potentially seeing where something could go anyway.

I knew Corey would also be surprised—potentially hurt even—that I’d taken time to research ways to start supporting his grief. I wanted to begin introducing these ideas to him even if he hated me and them at first. It was time for him to start to live again, no matter how hard it was—not just for him but for Mila too. That began with remembering and saying goodbye to Isabella properly.

“I hope you finally have that spare key for me,” I stated the moment Corey opened the front door to what I hoped I’d knocked on for the last time. Corey had always told me a spare key was under the flower pot to the right-hand side of the bright, red front door, but that was for emergencies. If I was moving into his place for the foreseeable future, I wouldn’t be treating it as a drop in place as I saw fit. I had rules that I needed him to understand, and that included to be treated with the respect to be able to enter and go as I pleased and not feel like a burglar sneaking into the property about to have my head bashed in by a baseball bat at any given opportunity. “If I’m finally going to be living here full time, then I need my own key, man. I mean, Mila needs a constant sense of security in her life.”

“She does,” Corey agreed, dropping his head low as I stepped into the house. “I’ve a key you can have.” He sighed as I looked around at the state of the living room and the pile of strewn clothes, empty food containers, and pure filth. I couldn’t believe I’d only been gone for two days and he’d managed to create this much of a mess in the place. “I was just going to start cleaning up. Mila is fast asleep and—”

“I take it you didn’t sleep, clean, and rest when she did,” I cut in, raising my brow as I sighed. “Corey, I know you keep having these nightmares about something happening to her, but you have the best equipment going. I mean, monitors, alarms, cameras galore. The doctors gave her a clean bill of health.”

“But Isabella was healthy and then look what happened,” Corey growled out. “I won’t take a risk with her. I can’t.” He ran his hands over his unkempt, unshaven face, and I shook my head at him.

“I’m here and I’m not going home now. Not even for one day, okay?” I assured him, finally seeing how much he needed me here. “Go and take a shower, tidy yourself up, and have a nap. I’ll look after the little princess and get this mess sorted out, and when you’re awake we’re going to talk,” I said, turning him around and pushing him firmly forward, not caring he was dragging his heels into the ground. “She’s fine with me,” I insisted. “Now do as you told and then we’ll make a plan going forward.”

“But what if she needs me? The monitors—” Corey began as I held my hand up.

“Then I will handle it. You are no good to her or yourself like this,” I told him honestly. “You have to do this, Corey. Give me the monitor and go.”

“Fine, but—”

“Just go.” I gritted my teeth as his shoulders dropped low and he sighed in defeat finally listening to me. For how long, though, that would be another question altogether.

* * *

It wasas if Corey had decided to become his own worst enemy. I gave him time. I thought having me here and helping him out would make everything easier, but grief had the power to linger and continue hurting someone long after an event had happened. Our friends were worried about him.Iwas worried about him. He was even ignoring Asher’s calls continuously at the moment. Over the last few days, I even saw Trevor and Cash’s names pop up on his cell, but I’m certain the messages had gone unread as he continued to live moment to moment and hope that everything just carried on around him.

If something didn’t change soon, I could see reinforcements arriving at the door, and I’m not sure if that would send Corey deeper into the pit of despair, especially as Mila’s sleep and general routine had been knocked out of sync completely the last few days.

He may hate me for what I was about to start, but I had to do what was best for him and his girl. It couldn’t wait any longer.

“Corey, do you have a moment?” I asked once Mila had finally settled down for the evening. “I’ll wait for you in the living room,” I said firmly.

The grumbling and crying of Mila had caused Corey to become tearful too, uncertain of why he couldn’t help his little one, until I came in and helped comfort her alongside him. After much trial and error, trying to change, feed, and even sing to her, I rubbed my finger along her gums and discovered the culprit immediately and smirked, knowing this was just the start of restlessness for us both. I’d read up on milestones, wanting to prepare myself for what was to come, but I hadn’t let it sink in because of the series of setbacks Mila had dealt with so far and the time she spent in the NICU, that she could be teething. I was just guessing all the possible combinations of what could be wrong originally but now we knew and until that tooth cut through, we’ll have a lot of sleepless nights, tears, and a painful diaper rash ahead.

“Sorry, I just wanted to set—” Corey started, before gasping and shaking his head at me the moment he saw the picture frames and photo albums pulled from the drawers. “Put them back. I put them away for a reason. I can’t cope with seeing her smile, her face, that beautiful bump—”

“That’s why you have to,” I stated. “This is step one. Then, next week, we’ll take another one out. But today you’ll be picking pictures and framing them for the room,” I said with a strong conviction as I began flipping through the pictures and drawings I’d found before stopping at one of the two of them looking into the distance with the sunset behind them and Corey’s hands delicately placed on Isabella’s small bump. I vividly remember capturing this one and handing them the set of photographs when they announced they were having a girl. “I love this picture. I think Mila would love to see her mom and dad happy together as she grows. She can see how important she was not just to you but to Isabella too.”

“But she left us,” Corey choked out. “She…”

“She didn't leave you on purpose. It was the saddest tragedy, but you’re here and you can help your little girl see how wonderful a person her mommy was when she was here and how amazing she would’ve been if she’d had the chance to be here with her,” I admitted as I lifted the photo out of the album and passed it to him. “We will start slowly and step by step. Today it could be just putting a few photographs up on the fireplace, tomorrow a few memory boxes for her to have in a special place to look at when she grows up, then the harder things like boxing away her clothes or maybe even her toiletries,” I continued as the tears flowed freely down his cheeks. “It doesn’t mean you’re forgetting her, only that you’re managing the future expectations of what your family needs,” I uttered. “What you and Mila need, Corey.”

“But what if I don’t know what she needs?” he whispered into the air, mesmerized by the photograph in front of him, allowing our fingertips to brush against one another. “She would have told me what I needed to do. How to be the best dad I could possibly be,” he whimpered. “I know it. Isabella had everything planned out. I…”

“You’ll be the best dad to her you can be because you’re you,” I said firmly, pulling my eyebrows together as my features turned stern in the reflection of the mirror above the mantel. “But, Corey, you’re human and, no matter what happens, you’ll learn every day what she wants. And if that means making mistakes, then so be it. It’s life and how we are meant to be.”

“How did you become so wise?” he boomed back at me. “I get you don’t want me to fail or to continue as I am, but seriously, there’s more to your life than me.”

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