Page 6 of Until Beckett

Was it really that easy just to love her and it’ll all fall into place?

What about Beckett though… if these feelings continued developing the way they had done recently, would everything with him just fall into place too?

I hope so…

THREE

BECKETT

Since I’d moved into Corey’s place life had been full of challenges.

I wanted to support my best friend in every way possible but sometimes I wondered if I was causing more problems than good. I loved children, especially babies and found it easy to know how to support their needs; it was one of the reasons why I decided to go down the career path I did. At the moment though all that was on hold because Corey needed me, but I knew I had to be realistic and help him understand that ultimately, he was Mila’s decision maker. I wouldn’t always be at his constant call.

Corey’s emotions had been bubbling over lately and it seemed he just needed that support from me. Since Mila was home, Corey couldn’t help but seem to doubt his every decision when it came to Mila even if she was healthy and she only needed yearly check-ups. It was difficult knowing how far to push him before I had to take over. The last thing I wanted was for him to think I wanted to interfere in every situation in his life or in any way take over the care of Mila, all she needed was love and attention from her dad.

The rest would eventually fall into place over time.

At what stage though did I start pushing him beyond his comfort zones and say enough was enough to him?

“Hey man, you look exhausted…” I stated glancing up at the dark circles underneath Corey’s eyes when he walked into the room with Mila cuddled into his neck. “Want me to take her for you? Dinner should be ready in five minutes.” I chuckled heading toward him and taking Mila off him as Corey nodded and touched my shoulder in thanks. My skin instantly burned at his touch as my stomach churned. “This little princess can play on her mat while we eat.” I patted her gently on the bum as I watched Corey head off. “Want to talk about what’s going on?”

“Maybe later,” Corey replied back. “I’ll get the dinner out of the oven and prepare the table.” He said heading straight to the kitchen running his hand through his hair. “Does Mila need any bottles sterilizing, maybe a load of washing needed putting on or the diaper bin emptying. Please tell me I didn’t miss the collections already?”

“Corey, I took the diaper bin out earlier when you were settling Mila. Relax,” I ushered him as I rocked from foot to foot watching the man unravel in front of my eyes. “I didn’t hear her wake up last night, did something else happen?” I asked curiously as I laid Mila on her play mat watching Corey struggling with the oven. He was going to get hurt if I didn’t step in and help. “Corey, let me help,” I pleaded.

“I had another nightmare…” he admitted as I placed my hand on his shoulder. “I just couldn’t—”

“Why don’t you watch Mila for a minute and make sure she doesn’t attempt to roll over like she did the other day while I grab this? I’ll take it into the living room and then you can grab the drinks.” I softly said, reassuring him with a soft squeeze on his shoulder. “Then you can tell me about this nightmare. That’s if you want to.”

“Thanks,” Corey mumbled in a low tone as Mila suddenly started getting grouchy. I listened to him talking softly to her while I dished up the chicken wrapped in bacon and cheese with the spiced wedges and salad garnishing but I could see that this nightmare hadn’t been good and had messed with him pretty badly. He needed support and I was the only one who could help him. I carried the plates into the living room and placed them down on the small table before looking deep into Corey’s eyes. “I know you can do this but if you need me to—”

“I don’t know what’s wrong—” Corey choked out, looking down at Mila’s scrunched up face and hot wet tears staining her cheeks. It was as if I could see his heart breaking before me as he just didn’t know what to do or how he could help her. I’m not sure if it had clicked with Corey yet, but he’d grow with Mila. Taking care of her had made him a stronger person, all he needed to do was to catch up and notice what we all see in him. In the beginning this pain and suffering that was etched on his face was so noticeable but now… he’d grown into a dad that would move the world to help his little girl. “I’ve just changed her, given her a bottle and she’d slept. I can’t do this…”

“You’re just overtired, man,” I admitted to him, hoping he could understand I wasn’t trying to patronize or upset him. I was just trying to be honest. “It happens to all of us, but you more, since you take care of Mila, on your own.”

“I have you,” Corey choked out as I took Mila from his arms and placed her over my shoulder and began rubbing her back. “You help me so much.” He continued as her cries started to turn into grumbles. “I’ll be right back; I just need to—”

“Corey, I’ll always help you,” I said to him. “Babies can just pick up and sense our stresses when we are struggling. Take five minutes, the two of us are just fine,” I admitted as Corey stood up and headed out of the room. “Your daddy just needs to adjust a little—” I said as suddenly a large burp ignited from the little princess and I felt the whole of my back become wet suddenly. “Ah, so that’s what was wrong with you.” I lifted the little princess up in front of me and noticed the two of us were now covered in sick. “Looks like we both need to get changed.” I chuckled. “Let me lie you down here for one moment while I take this shirt off then I can start getting you all cleaned up. Let’s not disturb daddy, hey!” Mila cooed back at me as I smirked at her.

She was already beginning to show so many cute characteristics that I just wanted to bottle up and store away to look back at in the future.

I quickly set to work unbuttoning my shirt and trying to take it off without causing any more of a mess and immediately turned it inside out and placed it to the side of me to be thrown in the wash. I dropped down onto my knees, grateful that the house was warm enough to be bare-chested at the moment as I started to get Mila out of her dirty clothes.

“I—I…” Corey stammered as his breath hitched as he came back into the room. “Beckett, where’s your shirt? Is Mila, okay?”

“Someone had some wind stuck and —” I chuckled as I shucked off her clothes and instantly noticed Corey by my side. “Can you pass me some clean clothes for her? Maybe a little warm water to clean her down.”

“Give me two minutes.” Corey whispered as he quickly ran the water in a small bowl and brought a baby towel with him and placed them by my side out of reach of Mila’s little hands. “I’ll grab those clothes for you.” He delicately brushed his fingers over my shoulder making the hairs stand up on my forearm in response. I wasn’t sure if Corey had done it by chance or on purpose, but it felt natural and so right in the moment. I just wished I could have turned around and gathered him in my arms but he wasn’t mine to do that with. He was my best friend; nothing more. Even though in my heart I wish he could be.

I began cleaning up Mila as her giggles warmed my heart as her arms and legs kicked away. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the situation; our food was probably cold by now, the conversation with Corey about his nightmares was probably slotted at the back of his mind with the hope I’d not bring it up and instead here we were dealing with this little one. People did say you could never plan anything with a child; they were so right.

“Thanks for these,” I uttered as Corey came walking in holding two sets of clothes before handing me the pink set in his right hand with the princess detailing embroidered in the corner alongside the little crown. “You know this is one of my favorite sets.”

“I know. I brought this one too,” Corey said as he held up the lilac version of the set and smirked at me. “I thought I’d bring a spare set in too; you know just in case.” His eyes trailed up and down my chest before locking on my eyes.

“Good thinking,” I replied. “Then we’re ready if we need to change her again. Fancy a sandwich to eat? It doesn’t look like we’ll be eating that chicken now,” I chuckled out. “We’re all still learning, Corey.”

“You’re right. We are.” He licked his lips as he darted his eyes back at my chest, his eyes trailing over the tattoos on my chest as if he’d never seen any ink in his life before. I should have felt some inkling of self-consciousness or nervousness maybe at what Corey was doing but in my heart I didn’t. I wanted him to look. I wanted to know what he was thinking. Did he like what he saw? He was probably just lost in daydreams and thoughts of the past. Maybe a memory of Isabella and him resurfaced and he reminisced about it. “I’ll just go and lay her down while you grab a clean shirt.”

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