Page 185 of P.S. I'm Still Yours

We’ve been driving around town all day. It goes without saying it was the longest afternoon of my entire life.

I spent most of that time blowing up Hadley’s phone with apologies, despite what my mom said. It took everything I had to walk out of the house earlier. I didn’t have enough self-control left to stop myself from texting her.

She didn’t answer one of my texts, not that I expected a different outcome.

My mom is the first thing I see when I step foot inside the house. She’s drinking coffee on the couch, wrapped in a plush blanket.

She puts her coffee down the minute Scar and I pass the threshold and round the couch.

Then she’s pulling me into her arms.

“Oh, my sweet boy.” She rubs my back in a circular motion. I melt into her embrace, the pit in my throat sharper than glass.

She has no idea what’s going on, and yet, she’s comforting me. She hugs me like it never even occurred to her that I might’ve done something horrible. Her faith in me will never cease to amaze me.

Hadley used to have that kind of faith in me…

“Where is she?” I croak the second we separate.

“Outside,” she says, taking my hand and squeezing.

I give a small nod, reading the pity in her eyes loud and clear.

This is the part where I lose her.

I venture onto the patio, closing the door and scanning the vicinity.

Nothing.

“Hadley?” I call.

I search the backyard for a few minutes, stopping near the edge of the patio and making out what seems to be a silhouette in the distance.

She’s down on the beach, standing inside the gazebo, where I first kissed her weeks ago.

Fuck, I shouldn’t have kissed her that day.

That’s what started this whole mess in the first place. I was doing so good before I tasted her. I’d managed not to touch her, even though every atom in my body begged me to.

I was supposed to stay away from her. I figured it would be the only way I’d get through the summer without my guilt eating me up from the inside.

The more I avoided her, the easier it was to forget about that night.

About the part I played in Gray’s death.

But then I caved.

I kissed her.

And I was done for.

Before I knew it, kissing her wasn’t enough. I needed to feel her. To please her. To have her in any way that I fucking could.

It all started here.

Only seems fitting for the story to end here, too.

I jog down the stairs leading to the beach, a pressure spreading inside my chest and stopping me from inhaling all the way.

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