Page 184 of P.S. I'm Still Yours

I beg…

…even though I’ve lost her.

KANE

“You ready to go in?” Scar questions, the pity lacing his tone making my stomach curl with unease.

I never thought I’d see the day where I’d have to be invited into my own house.

But then again, I also didn’t think I’d see the day where my mom would have to kick me out of it.

“Yeah,” I say in a hoarse voice. My vocal cords are still strained from all the shouting and begging I did this morning. My throat hurts like a motherfucker, too. I wouldn’t be surprised if I woke up tomorrow unable to make a sound.

“It’ll be okay,” Scar lies to my face, but I appreciate him making shit up to make me feel better.

“No, it won’t.” I state the fact before climbing out of the car and slamming the passenger-side door.

The truth is, nothing is ever going to be okay again.

Because Hadley knows what I did.

More importantly, she knows what I didn’t do.

I didn’t report Gray’s killer to the police.

I didn’t give her brother the justice he deserved.

I didn’t come through when she needed me the most.

The best excuse in the world couldn’t make up for the fact that I condemned Hadley and her mom to three years of agony.

My mom texted me that it was okay to come home a few minutes ago. I know it’s not fair to her. I put her in the middle by lying and ruining every good thing in my life.

She and Lillian came home just minutes after Hadley locked herself in the downstairs bathroom.

They knew something was wrong the second they heard Hadley’s sobs. I was pounding on the door, imploring her to open up and let me explain. I begged and I begged until my voice gave out.

After that, all I could do was repeat that I loved her.

It didn’t take my mom and Hadley’s long to put two and two together.

Not exactly the best way to tell your mom you hooked up with her best friend’s daughter, I know.

That’s when my mom pulled me aside, gripped my shoulders, and said, “I don’t know what’s going on, but you need to go.”

My initial reaction was to object to the idea. “Like fuck I do! I’m not going anywhere. I need to—”

“Kane, honey, look at me.” My mom cut me off, staring me dead in the eyes as if to drill the words into my brain. “She needs space. You hanging outside the door is not going to help. You’re just making things worse.”

I knew she was right. I knew it in my fucking bones, but that didn’t make letting go any easier.

“Baby, I promise I will let you know when it’s okay to come home, but she’s not in the right headspace to listen to you right now.” She glanced at Scar. “Can you take him somewhere to cool down?”

My drummer didn’t hesitate. “Come on, man.”

He reached for my arm, but I flung it away, walking back to the bathroom door and whispering a weak “Hadley, I love you. I love you so fucking much. I can explain everything. I promise.”

Scar had to practically drag me out of the house and into the car.

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