“Don’t you need that?” Felix asked with wide eyes.
Dei shrugged. “Let me lean on you if I need it. But as long as we’re not climbing mountains or stairs, I think I’ll be alright.”
Normally, Felix would have made a sarcastic joke, but Dei understood when he stayed silent and clung tightly to his hand as they headed across the parking lot. The building was small and a little drab—all wood-browns and beige. They were nothing like the Greek Orthodox cathedrals his grandfather had taken him to when he was still around.
Those had been massive, with vaulted ceilings, rounded arches, and huge, brightly painted saints looming over them. He’d never really believed much in a deity, but there was something sort of powerful about the echoing chambers.
They were almost a direct contrast to the muted little hall they’d just stepped into. The lobby reminded him more of a dentist’s office than a place of worship—complete with a reception desk, though no one was sitting at it.
“Do y’all sing here?” Dei asked very softly as Felix led the way past several people who were openly staring—a few of them even pointing.
Felix was resolutely ignoring them, though Dei could see a twitch in his jaw. “Yeah. They sing here. Why?”
Dei couldn’t imagine how it would sound, the notes crashing against walls stuffed thick with insulation, voices with nowhere to go. The one thing he’d loved with his whole heart was the hymns sung by the choir. He wasn’t really sure what the hell he believed in, but he never felt closer to something ethereal than surrounded by song.
Dei realized they’d come to a stop at the chapel doors and that Felix was shaking. “Darlin’…”
“That’s…she’s…” Felix took a trembling breath, and Dei followed his gaze to the front, where there was a small table covered in photos and a floral urn in the center.
“It ain’t her,” Dei murmured, leaning in close. “Not really.”
“Yeah, no. I know.” Felix licked his lips, and Dei—unable to help himself—lifted Felix’s hand and pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles.
“I’ve got you.”
Felix made a soft noise, then leaned harder into Dei as they stepped past the threshold. There was a profound moment when everyone noticed. A hush fell over the small crowd, and Dei watched as several people in the front row turned.
Dei recognized Felix’s mother almost immediately. He shared so many features with her it was almost startling. Her eyes were icy, her lips turned down into a natural frown, and Dei wondered what it must have been like to grow up staring at that face.
“I don’t know which one she is,” Felix said.
Dei didn’t have to ask who he was talking about. “Red flower pinned to her jacket.”
Felix’s eyes got watery. “You sure?”
“Looks just like you, darlin’, only she’s ugly in all the places you never will be. Now, where you wanna sit?”
Felix glanced around, then jerked his chin to the row third from the back. There was definitely not enough of a crowd for them to need the space so far removed from everyone, and that would probably put more attention on them than anything, but Dei was letting him take the lead.
He nodded and held Felix’s hand tighter as they took their seats. There was a low, rushing murmur of voices after that, and Dei could hear Felix’s mom getting upset, but the woman beside her—he assumed it was Felix’s sister—was talking her down.
“I hear my sister’s voice,” Felix said.
Dei nodded. “Anyone gonna pitch a big fit?”
“I doubt it. They’ll be more concerned with how that’ll look,” Felix told him. He leaned his head against Dei’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “It’ll be over soon, right?”
“Should be,” Dei said, not sure if he was telling the truth or a lie. He’d been to funerals that lasted hours and some that even lasted days. He’d been to ones that were just moments outside—a celebration of life—and more somber ones, spending an hour remembering someone who probably wanted to be forgotten.
He was pretty sure Felix’s grammy was none of those things. She was clearly a woman who had given Felix a safe space to exist, even if she hadn’t made a difference with the rest of the family. And Dei wanted to be there as Felix worked through losing her.
“Hold my hand,” Felix murmured.
Dei didn’t hesitate. He wasn’t sure if Felix was asking for himself or to put on a show, but it didn’t matter. He tangled their fingers together and brought Felix’s knuckles to his lips, pressing a soft kiss against his cool skin. Felix shuddered just once, then let out a long sigh before his body relaxed against him.
“She’d have liked you,” Felix murmured. “She’d have asked super-inappropriate questions about your injuries and definitely about our sex life. She would have offered you whiskey and a cigar and wouldn’t have let you say no.”
Dei rumbled a soft laugh. “Yeah?”