Page 64 of Cover Up

“I promise,” Felix said, and he meant it. Mostly because he saw something in Leif that told him maybe there were more he’d left behind who were looking for a way out, and maybe it was time to let Zeke know that they needed to make room for at least one other poor bastard who needed something else.

Felix stepped aside as Dei shook Leif’s hand, then pulled him into a hug. Leif let out a small laugh as Dei picked him up with his one arm and gently shook him.

“Take care of each other,” Leif said when he was back on his feet. “You two don’t know how lucky you are.”

Dei captured Felix’s gaze. “You know, I think we might.”

They were both quiet on the way home, and Felix excused himself to shower while Dei headed into the kitchen to fix them something for dinner. He wasn’t feeling particularly hungry—at least, not for food, and not even for sex, really.

He wasn’t sated by any means. He most definitely wasn’t tired of the way Dei made him feel, but he wanted something else. Something that was almost deeper than fucking. It was the place he went in his head when Dei commanded him. And not necessarily with words, but with his presence. With the way he held Felix and made him feel safe, and content, and good.

The ache followed him as he washed stray bits of ink from his skin and then the salt from his hair. It nipped at his heels as he got dressed in soft sleep pants and a T-shirt and as he finger-combed his wet locks, then made his way to the living room, where Dei was setting out a second plate of what looked like freshly made pasta.

“How long was I in the shower for?” Felix asked with a frown.

Dei glanced up and smiled. “It’s a quick recipe, but they’re pretty good. Jeremiah wants to put them on the menu.”

Felix grinned as he slid down onto a cushion in front of the sofa, his legs stretched under the coffee table. “What are you going to call them?”

Dei sighed as he flopped onto the couch and began to pull his leg off. It came off with a slight pop, and he set it to the side as he positioned himself so close to Felix their hips pressed together. “Send Me Noods.”

“Send me—” Felix repeated, and then it clicked, and he rolled his eyes with a laugh. “Cute.”

Dei touched his chin, turning his face for a quick kiss. “I thought it was.” He stared at Felix for a long second. “Can I ask you somethin’ about your head?”

“Go for it,” Felix said, entirely unbothered.

“Do you remember stuff in photos?”

Felix bit his lip and shrugged as he pulled one of the plates close to him. It smelled rich and cheesy, and though he wasn’t really hungry, he knew he was going to devour it. “Not really. It’s…hard to explain. Everything feels a bit fuzzy to me, and I get this weird sense of like…déjà vu, I guess? Some things come back quicker than others, but it’s all kind of a struggle.”

“And it’ll never get better?”

“Fuck knows,” Felix told him, feeling a small pulse of irritation. The one thing he’d been worried about was meeting someone and letting them hope that he’d go back to the man he was before the Incident. He didn’t have the strength left to hope for that anymore. He just wanted to live and be happy.

“Hey,” Dei said softly.

Felix looked up again.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t want you any other way.”

Felix was still annoyed, but somewhere, a small voice in his head reminded him that if anyone understood what it was like, it was Dei. Only where Felix might actually find his miracle, Dei never would. He settled, then leaned his cheek against Dei’s stump, turning his face to kiss his warm skin.

“Sometimes my scrambled-egg brains make me kind of a dick,” Felix murmured.

Dei chuckled and kissed him back on the crown of his head. “Nah, sweet thing. I said it all wrong, and it was my fault.”

Felix wanted to argue, but he figured his time was better occupied with eating what Dei had cooked for him and showing him appreciation that way.

19

Dei had trained himself to stop jumping up at the slightest disturbance in the middle of the night, but the one thing he couldn’t ignore was the sound of his mom’s caregiver ringer. It was muffled, coming from under the pillow where he’d lost his phone while doom-scrolling after Felix had dropped off, and he scrambled to get it before Felix could wake up.

Luckily, his lover seemed dead to the world, so Dei managed to answer before balancing on his leg and hopping out of the room. It was late in California, which meant it was too early in Florida for just a quick hello.

His heart was in his throat.

“What happened?”

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