Page 16 of For I Have Sinned
“You must be sore,” I say. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.
“Ellsworth,” he says, the crack in his voice makes me move into his house. I know where his room is. I’ve been here enough times to know. Though I’ve never been inside.
The door is open, and I bring us right to the bed. We fumble with our clothes. Tearing them away, impatient when we have to stop for buttons or the way the material resists being pulled free. Finally naked, I’m on him, rubbing against him as he greedily touches me everywhere.
“Lube,” I say.
He nods, gesturing for the drawer in the nightstand. I move up him, feeling his mouth on my chest and stomach. He just barely reaches the head of my dick as I grip the drawer handle. I grunt as he slurps, his hands gripping my ass cheeks as he tries to get more. For a minute, with lube in my hand, I let him. Let him taste and explore.
But I can’t stay like this. I’m as starving to be in his body as he is for me to be there. Last night wasn’t anywhere near enough. Last night was strained, forced to be slow and quiet. We don’t have that issue here.
I cover my fingers in lube and press them to his ass. Zaiden immediately lifts his legs higher, but his mouth comes off me as I push two inside.
“I don’t want to do this part,” he gasps, his hips bucking. “Just your cock, El. Fuck me. Make love to me. I don’t care what you do, but I need your dick inside me.”
My mouth covers his as I shove a third finger in, just as impatient as he is. I kiss away his protest, silencing him and swallowing all the delicious sounds he makes. Far sooner than I should, I pull away and get more lube, covering my dick.
And then I’m there, covering his body and pressing back inside him. He doesn’t hold back as he cries out. His heels press into my ass cheeks, begging me to go deeper. So I do. I push inside him until I can’t go anymore, though I seriously wish I could. I want to be in his chest. In his lungs. In his mouth. Everywhere.
I still for a minute, letting us both catch our breaths. When he looks at me with feral eyes, I get to my knees, grip his wrists, and fuck him until he’s a wild animal beneath me. I don’t hold back, though I should. He’s new to this. New to something in his ass.
But I don’t. I can’t. Not when every sound he makes spurs me on. Encourages me to fuck him harder. Demands me to get as deep as I can. His ankles land on my shoulders on either side of my head, and I barrel into him until he comes with a sob, spraying his body as if he was a water pistol. The stream is ropey but strong, shot with a force so hard that it covers up his neck, the pillow under his head. Lands in his hair.
When he’s limp, completely pliable in my arms and moaning dazedly, I curl him in half and empty in his ass. Fill him with every fucking drop of seed I have until it’s leaking out around my dick. Then I still, gasping for air, and fall next to him.
He whines when my cock falls out. “Nooo,” he tries to pull me back, but he’s too tired.
I pull him against me with my noodley muscles and try to shove my half hard dick in his ass. It’s not quite successful, but it’s enough that he stops whining.
Zaiden sighs and dozes in my arms as I watch him. He looks peaceful. Happy. A smile stays on his lips.
My thoughts start to creep back in, but I try like hell to keep the bubble of peace. It’s flimsy but I manage. Manage to remain still and just watch him breathe.
Then suddenly his eyes snap open, and he blinks before looking at me. His ass clenches and I grunt, feeling it around the head of my cock, since that’s all that’s still in his tight hole. Zaiden smiles. “I need you there,” he murmurs.
I dip my face, kissing his shoulder.
“Don’t tell me this can’t happen again,” he whispers.
The words don’t leave my mouth. Not because they’re untrue, but because I know that I’m not strong enough to stay away. I close my eyes as the conflict rages inside me.
“Ellsworth?”
“Yeah?”
When he doesn’t answer, I look up. He’s got his lip between his teeth. Worry shining brightly in his eyes.
“I’ll figure this out,” I tell him quietly. “You need to be patient, okay?”
“You’re not going to hide in there again, are you?”
I rest my forehead against his. “I’m sorry, Zay. So sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just—I needed to…”
“I know you’re hurting too,” he says. “And that what I’ve asked of you isn’t fair. It’s shit. I’m so selfish. But I can’t do what I said. I can’t wait for you to choose because if I do, you’re going to choose God and I can’t live with that.”
I scowl because the concept of God has nothing to do with my turmoil. But I don’t say that. I bite the inside of my cheek and try to figure out how to explain this. The war inside me. Why I really shouldn’t do this. Why it hurts so badly that I do.
Words don’t come.
