Page 126 of Crash & Burn

After the most amazing meal, Eddie already clearing the plates and starting the dishes in the kitchen with his sisters, I’m left with just Cecilia.

“Are you sure I can’t help clean up?” I ask her.

“No, no,” she says, waving her hand. “Mis hijoscan do it. You are the guest. Besides,” she says, taking a sip of her wine, “I wanted to talk with you.”

The nerves are back.

What could she want to talk about?

Did I already fuck this up somehow?

I thought it was going well.

Isa and Carmen seemed to like me.

Lucia too, but she seems a little harder to impress. By dinner, I think she warmed up to me.

“Of course,” I say, trying to hide the uneasiness in my voice.

“Are you serious aboutmiEduardo?”

I feel my chest heat at the question, at the thought of how we promised each other we were all in.

Tonight has been a lot. A lot of new feelings, new emotions, new people. The worry subsided, leaving me with such a full heart, but I still have this discomfort I can’t shake.

Is it because I’m not all in like I thought I was?

This is a big step. Meeting Eddie’s family.

My only family is Mateo and some extended family we barely hear from, and I haven’t even told Mateo about Eddie and me yet.

The only other family I ever knew—felt like I was a part of—was . . .

Nico’s.

I bury the thought, not wanting these thoughts to come up now, of all times. I’ve been fine. Monthly therapy sessions keep me grounded. I haven’t had a panic attack since that night in the hotel room, being able to manage them before they become out of control.

I only think of Nico in a positive light, only getting teary-eyed when his favorite song comes on or I see his guitar case in my closet, no longer hidden under my bed.

I can’t think of him right now. Not with Eddie’s mom here, asking me how serious I am about her son.

I am serious about Eddie. So much so that it scares me, diving into feelings I have never felt before.

So I push it down.

Nico, the thoughts, the feelings, the memories, all of it.

“I am,” I answer. “We were friends at first, but I realized it was more than that.”

“He did too, I am guessing. I see the way he looks at you.”

“What way is that?” I ask.

“Like he’s been waiting for you his whole life.”

I’m left speechless.

I’ve known this woman for two hours. She has known Eddie his whole life. Her words hit me right in the chest making it even harder to breathe than before, adding to the weight that is already pressing down.

---