Page 23 of Essa

"I'm sure he took that well," I murmur, getting up from my stool to grab my donut.

"He did not," Sloane laughs. "Babe, I don't think he hates you. I think he likes you and doesn't know what to do with himself because of it."

"I don't know what to do either," I say, unbelieving that now Sloane sounds like she is taking his side in all of this. "My current plan is to wait for him to attack me so I can bite him.That seems to be about the extent of our relationship, and I don't see it changing any time soon."

"Have you thought to talk to him about it?" Sloane asks, her chin resting on her hand as she watches me eat my donut.

Humans have such good food. I'm not sure what the nutritional value of this treat is, but it's tasty. Their sugar is much sweeter than the sweeteners we have on Haven III. That or we just don't use as much since it's considered a luxury resource.

"It's not my place to deepen our relationship," I tell her. This is common knowledge for a Haventh, but Sloane isn't Haventh, so it shouldn't surprise me when her brows furrow and her lips pop open to ask a question or many. "Concubines must offer themselves. I'm not allowed to proposition them. Those are the rules."

"Concubines?" Sloane snorts before biting her lips together and giving me a startled look. "Oh, you're being serious."

"Why would I joke about that?"

"Okay, wait, maybe what you're saying is getting mixed up in the translator. What's a concubine to you? Like, describe it."

I suck on my bottom lip, my fang poking at it a bit. They've been misbehaving since having the clones on board, but they've stayed short all day today, only aching slightly when Sloane mentioned Adam out in the hallway before she came into the kitchen.

"On my planet, most of the ruling class has marriages that are arranged. I didn't get to decide who my husband would be, and he didn't get to choose me. In order to make these marriages work, we are allowed to take on concubines. Others to fill our beds and our lives so we don't grow resentful of being married to someone who doesn't make us happy."

Sloane gives me a quizzical look, and I feel like I still haven't satisfied her with my answer. I don't know what else she expects, though, and I don't know how her humans could have the samerelationships on their planet. As far as I know, most of them choose their own mates on Earth now.

"So, you have like a harem?" Sloane asks, the word straining to sound serious, but I can hear the giggle in her voice.

"Well, I do not." I cringe. "No one was ever interested in me on my planet. Not that there was much time for me to see if anyone was interested. I was seventeen when I left."

"But if there was someone, they'd have to offer themselves to you?" Sloane's question is asked without judgment, but that doesn't surprise me.

My own reaction is what surprises me because I never thought I'd take a concubine. Never thought anyone would want to be that for me. Now, that's all I can think about. It's all I want from Adam and Seth. But just like it never happened on my planet, it won't work out here.

"Yes." I bite my lip, my fang catching on it. "They offer themselves as mine, ask me to protect and cherish them, and then I collar them, marking them as mine."

Sloane gives me the biggest yikes face I've seen from her since the night we watched Holoth's sister punch another female square in the face for disrespecting K'Vella, Holoth's mate. The face Sloane gives me now is that same face, but now her tongue peeks out between her teeth like she needs to be sure I see just how not okay what I just said is.

I sigh and squeeze my eyes together. "I'd never ask it of them."

Sloane's beside me in a heartbeat, running a hand down my arms to soothe me after looking so worried about me. "I know, I know."

"I couldn't even bear to show them the collars." I shake my head, refusing to open my eyes. "After what they've gone through, the scars on their necks. But there's no way for me to be with them unless they're my concubines. If I take them on asactual partners and anyone on Haventh finds out, my sister will be married to my fiancé before I even learn about it."

"I'm sorry," Sloane says, wrapping her arms around me and holding me close in a tight hug. "I didn't realize things were all weird where you're from." She pauses, her lips flattening as she huffs. "Okay, I knew they were super fucked up with you having to marry some dude and then have babies that might get shipped off to his house, but I didn't know there was even more weird stuff."

I let out a soft laugh and rest my cheek on Sloane's head.

"I wish things were easier," I say so quietly that I'm unsure if she hears me. But now that I've started to get the words out, I can't stop myself. "I wish I wasn't Haventh or that I was from one of the lower families. I wish I could be with whoever I wanted and that there weren't so many rules."

Sloane tightens her grip on me. "I wish I could take away all of your worry and your burdens. You deserve happiness, Essa. You deserve someone who will do everything possible to bring you happiness."

"I have the crew," I say, gently pulling away from her so she knows I don't dislike her touch, but I would like to get back to eating my donut. "I have you. What more could a female need than good friends?"

"Essa." Sloane scoffs and rolls her eyes. Okay, maybe there are some things I'd like that my friends can't offer me. "We'll get you a pleasure crew when Adam and Seth leave the ship, okay? Someone to get your mind off them."

I frown at the idea, not liking how my stomach twists up in knots about it. I shouldn't have any issues with Sloane's plan because it's the best outcome for my situation. When the clones leave the ship, I'll need something to distract me from the feelings of loneliness that have started to creep inside me.

I want what all my friends have. Partners who love and cherish them. People to spend their lives with. I might not be able to have that for very long, but a pleasure crew will get me enough companionship that maybe I can pretend for a little while longer.

"I love you," Sloane says as she bumps my hip with hers.

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